


Baby Blues

by stripperbucky



Series: Baby Blues [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, AoU never happened, Bucky is a single parent, But everything else is the same, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mentions of Mental Illness, Reader is very introverted, Single father bucky, Wanda is normal, slight mentions of drug use, smut is implied
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-04-14 08:31:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14132193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stripperbucky/pseuds/stripperbucky
Summary: Eleven months after a one night stand, Bucky is faced with raising his daughter and things are getting tough. That is, until he meets you, his extremely introverted neighbor.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series I originally posted on my tumblr account but decided to put it here instead because why not? Just so everyone's aware, this is my work and I just reposted it here. 
> 
> Side Note: Lots of people have been confused in the past, so to avoid that I'd like to note that this is an AU where AoU never happened, making Wanda a normal person.

Bucky hated Sam and Steve, they could talk their way into getting him in all sorts of situations.

Like right now, for instance. The music nearly broke his eardrums as he stood at the bar of one of the most sought after nightclubs in New York. It wasn’t his forte by any means, everybody in their friend circle knew that. Bucky just didn’t do this kind of thing and that meant the complete opposite to Sam Wilson. He practically drug Bucky right out of bed and forced all kinds of clothes up his limbs and god, he practically choked on how extra Sam went with the cologne. Bucky placed his hand onto the crotch of his jeans and gently tugged on the material, attempting to give his crown jewels some sort of relief. This was the last time he’d let Sam buy his clothes, the man had absolutely no taste for anything other than the shittiest type of clothing.

“C'mon, man,” Sam nudged him with his elbow as he downed another shot. “We didn’t bring your brooding ass out here just for you to glare at everyone.”

Bucky rolled his eyes before peering into the crowd. He certainty didn’t come here to get shit faced and act a fool like Sam did every weekend, even if that’s what everyone considered cool nowadays. He just wanted to relax back at his place and have a few beers. He might have even caught up on Stranger Things by now. He glanced down at his watch and felt his mood darken a little more. It was currently eleven o'clock and by now, he could’ve been on season two right about now.

“I think I’m gonna go now.” Bucky murmured as he pushed himself off the bar, much to Sam’s annoyance.

“Jesus, Barnes, it’s Steve’s birthday. The least you could do is act happy for one night. He’s your best friend, you know.”

It was true, as much as Bucky hated to admit, it was Steve’s birthday and if he left right now, especially the way he did, it would be a shitty thing to do. Steve’s done nothing but be his best friend since grade school and for Bucky to just up at leave would be breaking what Sam liked to call, the Bro Code. And Steve was his bro. Bucky let out a frustrated groan as he turned around, and looked Sam in the eye as he made his way back to the bar.

He had no idea what on earth he should do while his best friend was currently in the middle of the dance floor, completely shitfaced and in the middle of a dancing threesome. He’s seen Steve’s wild side a few times in his life, but this was a whole other side to him that he had yet to see. So Bucky did what any good friend would do: he decided to catch up with him.

As the night progressed, he let Sam shove drink after drink and shot after shot into his hands until Bucky was completely shitfaced. It had been so long since he had felt the familiar feeling of alcohol running through his veins and his missed it. His critical thinking had become a thing of the past and instead, he felt himself relax. At some point throughout the night, he felt a smaller hand wrap around his and pull him straight away from the sea of drunken people that were occupying the dance floor.

She wasn’t like the other women that came into contact with him, or so he thought. He didn’t really care at the moment. She was pretty and she wasn’t afraid of his arm the way most were which was the biggest stroke to his ego. And even in the middle of the stuffy nightclub, he could tell there was something special about her and that’s when he found himself blurting out the very thing that got him into the mess he was in today.

“Do you wanna come back to my place, doll?”

“Ellie.” She grinned, licking her cherry red lips as she stared into his blue ones. “My name is Ellie.”

“Bucky,” he replied, grinning stupidly as they stood in the middle of the pulsing music, not giving a single care to the many people around them.

\------------------

The next morning, when Bucky woke with a pounding headache and sore body, he instantly knew what happened the night before. All the signs were there, hickeys, bruises and perfect post-fuck hair. All of it was present, except for one thing. 

He turned his head to the side, squinting at the small rays of sunlight that hit his eyes, only to find his bed like it usually was: cold and empty. 

He was used to it, of course. Bucky never could pull a dame for longer than six hours and that usually took place in the late hours of the night. But still, it stung a bit as it did every time this happened. He knew it was just a one night stand, but still…he hoped that this one would end up different than the last. For once, Bucky just wanted what everyone else had. 

Love. 

\------------------

ELEVEN MONTHS LATER

“You’ve gotta be joking, right?”

Bucky stared down at the small infant in his hands. She was far tinier than the average baby, but he knew exactly why. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to spot the multiple track marks that were checkered along the inside of Ellie’s arms and the significant amount of weight loss in such a short amount of time. She certainly didn’t look the same as the last time he saw her. Her cheekbones had become more prominent and her once lively brown eyes had become lifeless and cold as she stood in the doorway of Bucky’s apartment, swaying from side to side. He wondered if she was even sober right now or whether she would even remember what she had done when the high faded.

“I just…” she sobbed, bringing the sleeve of her faded green hoodie up to her face and wiping away the tears that streamed down her face. “I can’t do this, Bucky. I’m too young and I didn’t even know who you were. What you were. I can’t go back home with some circus freak baby on my hip.”

The words hit him like needles on his skin and he wished he could open his mouth and for once, speak his mind. To stand his ground and demand her to get her shit straight so that they could figure this out together. To find some kind of solution to this. But like usual, Bucky stayed silent.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” she whispered.

The baby whimpered in his arms, her little eyebrows furrowing in frustration as she was pulled out of her slumber. She was only a couple months old, but he could see that she was already starting to favor him. She looked exactly like the man Bucky used to be, before the accident. Before this happened. Peering back up at Ellie, he watched as she gave him a pitiful look before turning around and heading for the door.

And just like that, Bucky was on his own.


	2. Chapter 2

“So are you going or not?” Wanda asked as she stood in front of you, peering down at you with her signature ‘worried mother hen’ frown. 

You stared down at your book, ignoring her. Instead, you flipped the next page and hoped she’d just drop the subject. But knowing Wanda, that would never happen.

“Y/N.” She pressed, before bending over and swiping the book from your hands.“You promised you would check the mail today.”

She was the polar opposite of you and you envied her for that. She was bright, outspoken and charismatic, while you were extremely introverted, calculating and skeptical of most people. Wanda just had it and you didn’t, but you guys managed to be best friends through all these years despite being so different. You could tell she truly cared about you, unlike other people in her friend circle.

You groaned and slumped in your seat, ignoring her impatient gaze. You knew it sounded silly, but you had a bit of an issue when it came to leaving the apartment. It wasn’t something you really had control over and you really, really disliked having to speak about it, but you had an irrational fear about leaving the apartment. Whether it was your abandonment issues or your extreme self doubt, you couldn’t tell. This was your safe space, where you could relax and truly be yourself without having to worry about the dangers of the city and people. You spent most of your days in the apartment, working from home and attending your therapy sessions which were mostly by Skype.

However, during your last session, your therapist Dr. Hill and you agreed that in order to start moving forward, you’d have to take baby steps. Meaning, you agreed to leave your apartment at least once a day. It didn’t have to be to another city or anything drastic, just a simple trip to the mailbox outside would be more than enough for now. And Wanda, being the wholesome friend she was, made sure your butt got up every single day and made it to the mailbox.

That was, until now.

“Doctor’s orders, sweetie. If you make it back in ten minutes, I’ll have some cinnamon rolls ready for you. I know how much you like them.”

She headed towards the kitchen, giving you a small smile over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner, leaving you on your lonesome. You really, really didn’t feel like doing this again. Today had been filled with all types of negative thoughts, but you already were aware that in order for you to get better, you had to do this. If not for you, for Wanda at least.

With a final frustrated groan, you stood from your spot on the couch and began gathering your coat and shoes, pausing by the front door and sliding each piece of clothing onto your body before turning the doorknob. As soon as you stepped foot outside of your apartment door, your ears were filled with the sound of a baby’s cry, which immediately caused your head to turn.

Down the hall, a couple doors down to be exact, you spotted one of your many neighbors. He struggled to hold the tiny baby in his right hand while balancing a large baby carrier and diaper bag in his left one. And by the looks of it, you could tell this wasn’t easy for the poor guy. He gently bounced the baby in his arm, trying his best to shush her as he attempted to fish out his pair of house keys from his back pocket. But of course, with the weight of all the baby things in his hands, the keys slipped through his gloved hand and collided with the ground.

“Damn it!” He hissed as he stared down at the wad of keys that had fallen onto the ground. The baby let out another loud wail, her chubby little face turning red.

You stood there, feeling your chest fill with anxiety as you watched the man struggle. You couldn’t just leave him there, not after witnessing the baby cry like that. You weren’t exactly a baby expert, but you figured that maybe, just maybe, you could help some how. It’s what you would’ve wanted if you were in his shoes. So with a deep breath, you slowly made your way towards the man, hoping he wasn’t as intimidating as he appeared to be.

“Excuse me.” You cleared your throat and took another step forward. “Do you need help?”

The man’s head snapped in your direction, a look of relief spreading across his face once he spotted you. Instantly, he began nodding frantically while the baby continued to cry.

“Oh thank god,” he breathed, turning his entire body to face you, making him appear much larger than before. “You’re a lifesaver, really.”

Your heart skipped in your chest at the kind words, you weren’t used to receiving those often. Nevertheless, you gave him a polite smile before peering over at the baby. “Anything you need, I can handle.”

See, while those words may have had an opening invitation for whatever he needed at the moment, what you meant to say was, “Anything you need, except for holding the crying kid.” because as soon as the words left your mouth, the screaming infant was placed into your arms and honestly, that all but raised your anxiety levels to the max. Was your hold good enough? Was it’s head okay? What if it was uncomfortable?

But the sound of the baby’s cries seized as soon as it was placed into your arms, not only shocking you, but the man as well. You both stared down at the baby, watching with wide eyes as it’s expression changed from an uncomfortable scowl, to a relaxed smile in seconds. How you did it, you had absolutely no idea. 

“Wow.” He whispered, staring down at the baby as if he had found a treasure chest full of gold. “She hasn’t stopped crying like this since…since I first got her.” His bewildered eyes flickered to your face, his blue eyes gazing into your equally shocked ones in awe. “Thank you.”

You gave him a sheepish smile, feeling your cheeks burn with the new found attention you were receiving. After a pregnant pause, he cleared his throat and continued to fish his house keys out of his pocket. As soon as his door was open, he turned back to you and gave you another award winning smile, one that had you thinking of all sorts of things you weren’t used to thinking. 

“Look, I usually don’t do this type of thing,” he began, his gaze going back to the baby. “But since you just saved my entire night, you’ve gotta let me make it up to you. Can I buy you dinner?”

You raised an eyebrow at his offer. Wanda was making her famous cinnamon rolls and you knew she only made them for you, but given the situation now, you figured that maybe -just maybe- Wanda’s cinnamon rolls could wait. Just this once. And boy, the way his face lit up when you nodded, you wished you could catch it on camera.

“I’m Bucky by the way.” He grinned. “And that’s my daughter, Jamie.”

“I’m Y/N.” You answered meekly. “Jamie’s a beautiful name.”

If it weren’t for Jamie’s sudden fussing, you were certain that Bucky would have stayed out here staring at you like a million dollars had just popped up before him. The sound of her coughs brought his attention back to the matter at hand and ushered you inside his apartment.

“This is it. Home sweet home.” He smiled at you as he held the door open for the two of you. As you entered his home, you noticed the way Jamie stared up at you, her blue eyes sparkling as she gave you a toothless grin.

“It’s lovely.” You commented, peering around at the apartment. It was small, like your and Wanda’s, only not as decorated. The living room was bare, with the exception of a few shelves that hung from the walls and faded green wallpaper. As far as you could tell, Bucky had all the basics present. There was a television, couch and coffee table. The kitchen and dining area was larger, but by the looks of it, hadn’t been cleaned in quite some time now. Actually, now that you got a good look around the place, most of it needed a good scrubbing. But you didn’t blame Bucky one bit, Bucky was a father and all, raising a child one’s own was hard work and things were bound to get messy sometimes.

“I uh…I can order some pizza if you’d like?” He gave you a sheepish smile as he quickly made his way towards the kitchen. You watched as he frantically gathered the many empty plastic cups and cans that were scattered around his dinning table before placing them into a large the trash bin. Jamie gurgled in your arms and her tiny hand gripped your finger tighter, as if she were encouraging you to agree.

Giving him another nod, you turned your attention back to Jamie. She liked it best when you bounced her in your arms and whenever you spoke, you found that she stared up at you with a look that you couldn’t quite read. You just felt as if this whole baby thing was so…natural.

\--------------

By the time the pizza had arrived, Jamie was sound asleep in your arms and you just couldn’t help but grin every time you glanced at her. She was on the quiet side, only waking up whenever the pizza delivery boy arrived, but still, she was beautiful and she looked exactly like Bucky. She had the same steel blue eyes, nose and chestnut colored waves as him. She favored her father, there was no doubt about it. But despite as much as you tried, you couldn’t seemed to chase one single thought from your mind every time you looked at her. 

You hadn’t seen many babies in your lifetime, but from the ones you had, you usually were aware of how they came. But Jamie, she was just so little. Far smaller than the average baby her age and you wondered if it was just genetics or something else. Bucky seemed to be a healthy man, despite his terrible eating habits. It wasn’t any of your business, you knew that, but still. Curiosity had a tendency to get the best of you at times. As much as you wanted to ask about her mother, you figured that it was best to keep that one to yourself. You were stuck with nothing but assumptions and the little facts that Bucky told you.

“I can take her for you, if you’d like.”

You looked up at Bucky as he watched you both and it or may not have made your heart flutter at the sight. You scooted closer to him, holding Jamie out for him to take. Bucky quickly gathered her into his arms and rocked her gently before taking a seat beside you on his couch. 

“C-Can I ask where her mother is?” You felt the words tumble from your lips without thinking. And just like that, you could see his entire body tense. On the inside, you screamed at yourself for asking such a question. What if he was married? Or worse, what if he was widowed? 

“Her mom… isn’t in the picture.” He replied, giving you a tight smile. “It’s been that way since the beginning.”

It all started to click inside of that mind of yours now. It made perfect sense now. You hadn’t seen any signs of a woman living here. Bucky seemed like a lone wolf in his own sense and seeing him today with Jamie, struggling as he tried to multitask just didn’t seem like something he was used to doing.

“I’m sorry,” you looked down at your lap, avoiding his gaze.

“Don’t be.” he looked over at you, giving you a cheeky smile, however you could see a hint of sadness beneath it. “Jamie’s got everything she needs here. Its us two against the world.”

Those last words made your heart ache. It was right then and there did you realize how much of a genuine person Bucky was. It didn’t take rocket science to figure out how much the man adored his daughter and how his eyes practically radiated nothing but love every time he gazed down at her. He cared for her and you admired how invested he was with spending time with her.

“What about you? You got any mini Y/N’s running around?” He asked. This time you noticed his eyes travel to your lips momentarily, before going back to your eyes.

You shook your head, feeling a wave of embarrassment hit you. God, you knew there was no way in hell that was even a possibility. Given that you’d never even kissed a single person in your life, much less engage in any sexual activity.

“It’s just me and my best friend Wanda down the hall. Well, she does have a goldfish if that counts.”

Bucky chuckled at your words, throwing his head back. You felt your teeth sink into your bottom lip to contain the immense giggling that threatened to escape your mouth. When he looked back over at you this time, you could sense something different, but as usual, you found yourself shying away once again. You stared back at Bucky, feeling his burning gaze travel back down to your lips once again and it had you desperately wishing for mind reading powers. What was going on in that head of his?

But as quick as the moment came, it was taken just as fast.

“Hey Buck-boy! We brought some booze and tonight we’re getting super shitfa- oh!”

You both quickly stood from the couch, staring over at the two men as they stood in the doorway, pizza boxes and booze in hand. For the second time today, you felt your anxiety levels rise again.

“Who’s the girl?” The blond questioned, looking you up and down. You could’ve swore you’ve seen him somewhere.

“Is this Ellie?” The second man asked, his dark brown eyes sending death glares into your concerned ones.

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky groaned, making sure Jamie was still sound asleep before continuing. “This is Y/N, my neighbor.”

You could practically hear the guilt spilling from the two men as they both looked back at you, giving you awkward smiles. Ones that only raised more questions for you. Who was this Ellie woman and what did she do to cause such a hostile reaction from everyone?

“I should be going now,” You announced, causing everyone’s attention to you once again. Bucky gave you a guilty look before nodding in agreement. You didn’t want to leave, you wouldn’t mind staying as long as he’d have you, but you could sense that this thing -whatever it was- was coming to an end. So you gave the three of them a small wave before gathering your keys and heading for the door, closing it softly and making your way down the hall back to your apartment.

“Y/N!” The sound of your name being called caused you to stop right in your tracks. You turned around, watching as Bucky jogged down the hall towards you. 

“Look, I’m gonna be a hundred percent honest here, doll.” He breathed. “I’m not the best at this whole parenting thing. I’m trying, but that’s all I can do. Jamie really seems to like you and she stops crying when you’re around. What I’m trying to say is…I would really appreciate it if you could watch over her when I can’t be here.” 

You blinked, trying your best to process his words correctly. You have never cared for a baby before, and as frightening as it seemed at first, Jamie wasn’t a handful. In fact, all she did was eat and sleep. How hard could it be, right? Of course there would be the regular diaper changes and all that jazz, but that wasn’t a hard task to complete. All you’d have to do was care for her. Dr. Hill advised you to get out of the apartment at least once a day, and technically you would be.

“Okay.”

Bucky perked up at your words, giving you another one of his million dollar smiles that had your heart melting in your chest. 

“See you tomorrow then?” He asked, placing his hands into his pockets, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Tomorrow, it is.” You agreed.

\--------------

As soon as you closed the door to your apartment, the sound of the kitchen counters being opened and closed stopped, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps that belonged to only one woman.

“There you are!” Wanda practically shouted to you from the kitchen. She made her way into the living room, crossing her arms over her little pink robe as she stood a few feet from you, bunny slippers and all. “What on earth took you over an hour to get the mail?” You could see the cinnamon rolls spread out on one of her china plates on the dinning table, giving you a silent invitation. Only, you felt more than stuffed already. Wanda was going to be pissed.

You leaned against the door, ignoring her question completely. “Did you at least get the mail, Y/N?” she asked, her mouth forming into a thin line. You nodded, biting your lip and revealing the small stack of letters in your hands. A gesture that made her eyebrows nearly raise to her hairline. This wasn’t like you at all.

“Did you have another bad trip to the mailbox, Y/N?” Her voice softened, along with her face. You shook your head, your head filling with memories of Bucky and Jamie came back to you. 

You had only known Bucky for an hour, if that. But you already knew that deep down you were developing a small crush on him. There wasn’t much to not be attracted to, honestly. He wasn’t the usual guy you found yourself going after, considering he was a dad and all, but you felt as though his differences made him all more alluring. Bucky was an intimidating man on the outside to those that hadn’t spoken to him, but once you did, you could see the shyness underneath. And you really, really wanted to see more. If he let you.

“It was good.” You answered, looking over at her with a knowing smile. “Really good.“


	3. Chapter 3

“Y/N?”

“Y/N, wake up!”

“Y/N!”

You let out a groan as you opened your eyes, squinting at the small alarm clock beside your bed. It was no later than four thirty in the morning, yet here Wanda was, hissing at you like some parseltongue master. She really was pushing it lately, you hated being woke from your sleep at these kinds of hours. And the last time she pulled this stunt was when she swore up and swore that there was somebody trying to sneak into her window -which turned out to be a stray cat attempting to get out of the freezing weather. So obviously, Wanda was a little paranoid at times. But right now, you were having none of it.

“How many times do I have to tell you?” You kicked the covers from your body and sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “Its just that stupid cat.”

“So is Mister Whiskers the six foot father that’s standing at the front door in distress?” Wanda hissed, causing your eyes to widen. “Last time I checked he was orange, fluffy and had a permanent stank face!”

As soon as you fully understood what she meant, you practically jumped out of your bed and attempted to slide on something more appropriate. As you yanked the bluejeans up your thighs, you noticed how Wanda was giving you a knowing smirk, one that irritated you to your core.

“What?”

“Don’t what me,” she sassed. “How does the guy from apartment 415 know you?”

You rolled your eyes and slid on a sweater, ignoring her pining question before exiting your bedroom and heading straight for the door. And when you caught sight of Bucky, you felt as though you had been punched straight in the gut.

Bucky’s hair was slightly disheveled, some strands sticking up in places. And he was shirtless, completely bare at the torso. You silently thanked heaven that he had enough intelligence to throw on a pair of sweatpants, otherwise you were positive that this entire encounter would’ve been much more difficult for you. It was four in the morning, for crying out loud. This wasn’t fair at all.

“Hey,” You gave him a sleepy smile as you closed the door behind you. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Jamie.” He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. Judging by the dark circles that were present under his eyes, you knew all too well what he was asking for. With a simple nod, you followed Bucky back to his apartment, hearing Jamie’s cries grow louder with each step. For someone so tiny, she had the pipes of an opera singer. Bucky was going to be in for it when she hit her teenage years.

“How long has she been crying?” You yawned as he closed the door behind you both.

“Since midnight. I’ve tried everything,” Bucky informed you as he led you past the living room and toward a part of the apartment you hadn’t seen yet.”But she’s just…stubborn like her mother, I guess.”

Your ears perked up at those words. Instantly you began picturing an imaginary mother for Jamie in your mind. Did she and Bucky break things off because of that same stubbornness that Jamie had? Was she the kind of woman that always had second options? You had no idea, but from the things Bucky told you, you guessed that stubbornness wasn’t one of her redeeming traits.

Once you made it to the end of the small hallway, Bucky stood to the side and let you enter his room. His room was even more plain than the living room. The walls were a dull gray color that seemed to give off a depressing vibe. His bed was a simple, king sized with dark sheets and pillows. You weren’t surprised at all, to be honest. You knew Bucky was a simple man and minimalism seemed to be his forte. Unlike Wanda, who preferred the entire apartment be lit up with all types of string lights to fit her fairy aesthetic. His place was simple, yet it provided a sense of stability when you ignored all of the eerie vibes.

Beside his bed was a small pink crib where you spotted Jamie’s little legs as they kicked into the air furiously while she wailed at the top of her lungs. You had no idea how Bucky could stand this every single night and you instantly felt guilty for the poor man. You made your way over to the crib, trying to suppress the yawn that threatened to escape your mouth. Jamie was completely red in the face as you reached down and scooped her into your arms, but as soon as her little head rested against your shoulder, the sound of high pitched screaming ceased in an instant.

“You’re just like my best friend Wanda, you know that?” You cooed to the baby, running your fingers down her back gently. “You both just wanna be held, no matter how much you hide it.” Jamie’s tiny hand clung to your shirt as you talked, her eyes growing heavy as she attempted to blink away the feeling of exhaustion. However, within a few more strokes of your fingers, her eyes fluttered closed.

You weren’t aware of how long you stood there in the middle of Bucky’s bedroom, but when you were finally sure that Jamie was fully asleep, you turned your head and peered over to Bucky, your lips parting as you began to speak, to let him know that you had tamed the little dragon that was his daughter and that maybe you both could get some more shut eye, but the second your eyes landed on his blue ones, you fell silent.

Bucky was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and the most distant look in his eyes as he watched you. At first you figured that maybe you had done something wrong, but then he smiled. It wasn’t one of those tight, drop-the-subject smiles he gave you, nor was it one of the chit chat type either. He had the same look in his eyes as he did the last time you saw him. Right before his buddies barged in and caused all kinds of awkwardness between you both.

“You’re really somethin’ else, you know that?” He said lowly, his eyes traveling to your lips once again, but just for a moment. In an instant, they were back to your eyes and filled with something you couldn’t quite read.

And you turned into a gigantic mess right then and there. You avoided his gaze, feeling your entire face burn from the result of his words. Never in your life had you been in the center of someone’s compliments and as much as your instincts screamed internally for you to let out a squeal, you had to fight against that urge like no other. This man was something else, too. But you were more than okay with that.

The sound of Jamie’s loud snores brought the both of you back to the present, pulling you away from each other’s stares and back to the task at hand. Bucky made his way over to her crib and rearranged the little blankets before turning to you and giving you a warm smile. 

Jamie let out a small cough in her sleep and snuggled into your shoulder. It was times like this did you silently thank the little girl for her perfect timing. You had no problem going back to sleep, even if your entire body was currently humming with butterflies.

“I should get going now,” You began, giving him a half smile. “I don’t want to impose.”

“No!”

You both blinked at each other, completely taken back by his tone. Bucky cleared his throat, a light tent of scarlet appearing onto his cheeks.

“Let me at least make you some coffee.” He gently lifted Jamie from your arms and placed her against his chest. “It’s the least I can do for waking you.” 

\------------

So you did. You gave into his offer and let him make you the best cup of coffee he had to offer. You were surprised that he even knew how to operate the coffee maker, but nevertheless, he pulled through and you found yourself listening to him tell you all kinds of stories about the famous Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson. And from what you were processing, they were both one of a kind friends. Even if Bucky felt like strangling Sam at times.

“I take you as someone who likes your coffee black.” Bucky commented as he filled his cup. He looked over at you as he did so, his eyes lighting up a bit as soon as he spotted the playful smile on your lips. 

“No,” You giggled, shaking your head. “I need my creamer and a bagful of sugar.” 

Bucky crinkled his nose playfully as he poured your coffee for you. “Jesus, my buddy Sam is the same way. The guy is probably full of pure sugar by now. Don’t even get me started with the amount of ice cream he eats.” 

You grinned as you stirred the liquid, contemplating how funny it must be to have Sam and Bucky in the same room together. And poor Steve, from what you hear the man just wants peace and quiet, but never getting it from these two. 

“What about your friend?” Bucky asked as he leaned against the counter, propping himself up onto his elbows. “What’s the story with you two?”

“Wanda’s my best friend since grade school.” You smiled at the thought. “She’s all I’ve got. We’ve lived down the hall for about five years now. She’s the only one that puts up with me and doesn’t see me as a burden.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed at your words and you could practically see the little wheels of thought turning in his head. “I don’t think you’re a burden.” He looked down at his coffee mug, nonchalantly scooting it around with his hands. 

“That’s because you hardly know me, Bucky.” You gave him a chuckle, trying to overcompensate for the hidden self-pity you felt. 

It was the truth, though. There were so many things Bucky didn’t know about you yet and you felt as though maybe you shouldn’t reveal those things to him. It was right then did the reoccurring self doubt hit you once again. Who would want to be friends with someone who had as many issues as you did? Who would want to spend their day with someone who needed constant reassurance the way you did? You knew Wanda was the exception, but nobody else ever paid you the time of day. If Bucky found out about your many problems, would he still enjoy your company or would he see you as a burden? A person with too many issues and a silly fear of leaving her apartment.

“Not to be that guy,” Bucky chimed in, looking back up at you with a small, understanding smile. “But you hardly know me, too. As long as you’re not a serial killer, I’m more than happy to have you here.”

Those words seemed to pique your interest and you found yourself going further and further down the curiosity drain. You knew quite a bit about him, actually. Well, who he used to be. The whole world knew who the infamous Winter Soldier was when SHIELD fell all those years ago and you found yourself asking a million questions in your brain. While the average person would have been extremely weary about the situation with him, you found yourself at ease when he came around. He wasn’t a monster like the TV made him out to be.

“I know enough.” you said meekly, mentally scolding your lack of filtering. “You were right, though. My problems aren’t anywhere as bad as yours.”

With that being said, you found the two of you erupting into laughter and you found that Bucky’s laughter was nothing but music to your ears. It made you think about how many times Steve and Sam got to see him in such a vulnerable way and you envied that to no end. You wanted to see his laugh everyday if you could, if he let you. You just weren’t sure if he wanted to hear yours.

“With all this talk, you’ve made me into one curious man, Y/N.” Bucky spoke before taking another sip from his coffee, his eyes never leaving yours. “What’s the mysterious Y/N’s life like?”

It was at that moment, that you felt an invisible spotlight on you. All eyes in the audience were staring right at you and you had no idea how to react in such a situation. But you figured, if Bucky was as easy going with you knowing his past, he must be the same way about knowing yours. Or so you hoped.

“I guess you could say I’m a recluse.” Your fingers drummed against the coffee mug in your hand as you talked. “I tend to keep to keep to myself. At least, that’s what most people prefer of me. People tend to steer clear of the shy girl.”

Bucky’s eyebrows rose at your words. Although it was perfectly understandable to him, you could tell something didn’t sit quite right with your confession.

“I can’t imagine why.” He shook his head as he talked, his eyes staring into yours with intensity. “You’ve been nothing but an absolute doll from what I’ve experienced.” 

Just like that, you found his eyes traveling back to your lips once again. Only this time, you found that they lingered far longer than the past few times. You cleared your throat and stared down at your mug, trying to slow your heart rate down. You hated being in the spotlight, you’ve always known that. It picked at your insecurities and messed with your anxiety big time, but for some reason you found that you didn’t mind being under Bucky’s.

But like the last time and the time before that, he was the one to end it. He pulled his eyes away from you, collecting the coffee mugs from the counter and taking them to the sink. 

“It’s getting pretty late,” He spoke as he rinsed the mugs before shutting the faucet off. “You can stay… if you want.” 

The words caught you completely off guard and you found yourself speechless once again. You had no idea how the mood had changed so quickly, but given the lack of sleep that was in your system, you shrugged the idea off as nothing more than the coffee. But something deep inside felt as though there was something more to the situation that meets the eye.

You nodded silently, feeling your mind growing hazy from exhaustion. You let Bucky lead you to his bedroom, wondering why he’d do such a thing. You were just a guest in the Barnes household, after all.

“I can’t let a dame sleep on the ole’ lumpy couch. My ma taught me better than that, you know.” He gave you a wink as he bent down and grabbed ahold of one of the many pillows that were scattered among his bed. 

You blinked over at him stupidly, your mind going completely blank as you tried to process his words.

“A-Are you sure?” You stammered as you peered over at his bed. “I’m more than capable of taking the couch-”

“Y/N.” He pressed, causing your head to whip in his direction. He stared at you with an amused smile. “Go to sleep, doll.” 

You watched as he closed the door behind him, but before shutting it all the way, he peered back inside the room at you, his blue eyes softening at the sight of you standing in his bedroom.

“Night, doll.” 

You perked up at the soft tone of his voice before giving him a small wave. “Goodnight, Bucky.” 

As soon as that door shut, you felt yourself plop down onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as the many thoughts raced through your mind a thousand miles per minute. There were so many questions you had about tonight. So many things you couldn’t wait to tell Wanda the next morning, no matter how annoyed she’d get. But one question stood out to you the most:

What gave Bucky Barnes the right to make you feel this way?


	4. Chapter 4

When your eyes fluttered open, you expected to be met with the familiar tan ceiling in your bedroom. However, as soon as the pink little crib came into view, you suddenly remembered where you were and just how you got there. You let Bucky persuade you to stay the night. It sounded foolish, but you didn’t want to leave his bed. Turning onto your side, you were met with the sight of Jamie’s little hands waving around into the air as she coughed and gurgled in the crib, early signs of another one of her infamous tantrums.

You quickly kicked the sheets from your body and raced to the crib before gently picking her up into your arms. She let out a cry and kicked her feet, her face scrunching into an uncomfortable grimace as she rested upon your shoulder. But just like clockwork, the second she felt your heartbeat against her tiny chest, she relaxed in your hold. Something deep inside you told you that maybe you had a special little connection with her, but given how close she was with her father, you tossed all of that to the side.

Speaking of her daddy, Bucky was awfully quiet in the living room.

You exited his room, making sure to shut the door as quiet as possible on the way out before making your way down the hall and into the living room. Which, to your surprise, you found empty. You stood in the middle of the room, your mouth set into a frown as your eyes searched the entire place. Bucky wouldn’t just get up and leave you here, right? He didn’t seem like that type of man, especially how protective he was of Jam-

“You alright there?”

Your entire body jolted violently at the sound of his deep voice echoing throughout the room, causing Jamie to whimper and her little face to scrunch up once again. 

You could feel your anxiety creep its way into your brain, although as soon as you turned around and caught sight of him, all of those negative feelings went straight out of the window for you. Bucky stood before you, his face set into a matching frown, however, it’s what he was wearing or lack of that caught you completely off guard. The only piece of clothing he had on was a simple white towel that was draped across his hips, hanging far too low for him not to know what he was doing. His entire body was still soaked from the shower, his torso glistened, giving you all sorts of inappropriate thoughts. And it didn’t help that his hair was dripping little droplets onto his body, droplets that cascaded oh so slowly down his torso, almost as if they were teasing you. 

“I-I’m okay.” You babbled mindlessly, your eyes staying glued to his. Jamie’s head perked up at the sound of her father’s voice and she let out a small cough. You placed your hand onto her back and began running in small circles as you attempted to keep your eyes where they should be. 

“I’ve gotta get dressed for work, kiddo.” He grinned over at you, as if he knew exactly how much he affected you. “I’ve got another mission to take care of. It shouldn’t be that long.” 

You nodded in reply, cradling Jamie closer into your chest, although you were completely unaware of the action.

And if you weren’t busy daydreaming, you would’ve noticed Bucky’s breath hitch slightly at the sight of you, he bit his lip as his eyes traveled down your body. It wasn’t subtle by any means and he mentally scolded himself for doing it. You were just a friend, that’s all there was between the two of you, but he just couldn’t help how good you looked carrying his child the way you did.

He blinked stupidly before clearing his throat, pulling you from your thoughts. “Can you be a doll and feed Jamie for me, please?” He asked with a guilty smile, gesturing to the towel around his waist.

And just like that, you were brought back to the very thoughts you tried desperately to avoid. You were beginning to think that maybe you were being punished for something you did in your past life, maybe you committed some horrible wrong doings and now you were paying the ultimate price. You were being tortured to death by something you could look at but never touch, and honestly, you found that so damn cruel.

You watched as Bucky disappeared down the hallway, leaving you and Jamie, who was currently kicking her little legs in frustration. Taking the hint, you made your way to the kitchen and began looking through the cabinets and taking out the formula and clean baby bottle.

You could hear the sound of doors opening and closing from afar, along with the sound of what sounded like metal on metal, but you tried your best to mind your business. You knew Bucky’s job was a peculiar one, he risked his life to keep the entire planet safe and all along with the other Avengers. But you knew what came along with that type of lifestyle he lived. You had seen the news, and you remembered what happened six years ago when New York was attacked from enemies beyond the galaxy. You couldn’t help but ponder about the fact that if something happened to Bucky, where would that leave Jamie?

You knew Steve and Sam were his best friends, but they were in the same position as he was. Then, another thought hit you. Jamie had a mother somewhere just like she had a father. If Steve and Sam weren’t fit parents, would she step up to the plate and take back her daughter? Why did she even leave in the first place?

The sound of Bucky’s footsteps nearing caused you to turn around, but this time instead of a half naked Bucky, you were met with an entirely different version of him that you had never seen before and if it weren’t for your quick reflexes, you may or may not have let Jamie slip a little.

Bucky stood before you, dressed entirely in black from head to toe, with the exception of his black metal arm that glistened proudly in the light. His jacket fit his torso perfectly, hugging him in all the right places and showed just how large he was. To the right person, he would be seen as one attractive man, but to the wrong one, he’d be seen as arguably one of the most intimidating men in New York. And that’s without the mask, which you had noticed he held in his hand, while his flesh arm gripped the large duffel bag that was hanging over his shoulder.

“If you need anything and I mean  _anything_ ,” Bucky began, setting his duffel bag onto the counter. You noticed the heavy sound of metal clinking together as he did so. “You can shoot me a text. I might not be tech savvy like most, but I know how to operate a cellphone.”

You nodded, your eyes glued to his stormy blue eyes as he spoke. You couldn’t help but stare, honestly. Bucky was completely different before going off to work than how he usually was – instead of the softer persona he had earlier, stood somewhat of an alpha male, and to your relief, not the aggressive kind. Bucky gave you a quick smile before walking over to you as quietly as possible. He placed a hand onto Jamie’s little head, bending down and placing a kiss onto it.

You could sense the hesitation in his movements by the amount of time it took for him to step away from the two of you. Every single movement held some sort of reluctance to it, as if were physically painful to pull away from you both.

“I’ll be back by seven, I promise.” His voice was full of reassurance and that made you felt all kinds of better about the situation. You knew Bucky would be safe and that he’d come back to you in no time, but still, there was still the lingering thought that if something were to happen, you’d be in the middle of a giant storm without any shelter.

You watched as he gathered the duffel bag and swung it over his shoulder with ease before heading toward the door. It was an odd moment of silence when you saw that he hadn’t made an effort to open the door yet. He stood there for a brief moment with his back to you, completely silent before exiting the apartment. And although Jamie was in your arms, you could hear her let out a tiny whimper of discomfort. 

And for the first time, you could agree with her.

\-------------

A few minutes after Bucky left the apartment, you were greeted by the sound of two subtle knocks on the front door. For a split second, you figured that maybe Bucky had forgotten something, but when you opened the door you were met with a pair of mischievous green eyes that you had seen throughout your whole life. Wanda stood in the doorway, hands on her hips and her lips set into a knowing smile, one that you knew all too well that nothing good could come from.

“What are you doing here? Bucky sai-”

“Relax,” She shushed you, before sliding past you and into the apartment. “I just came to check on my best friend. What’s so bad about that?”

Most people were fooled by her innocent demeanor, but Wanda was smart and cunning when she needed to be and those qualities provided excellent use for sleuthing. She walked into the kitchen, her eyes peering at the counter tops and cabinets before looking over at the small set of dirty baby bottles that were in the sink. You knew Wanda was internally deciding on whether or not she felt some type of way towards the situation, and you couldn’t help but feel as though she was taking the situation a bit too far. Then again, you tended to do the same thing each time she brought home a new boyfriend.

“You know, I never would’ve taken you to be the domestic type, Y/N.” She spoke, her thick accent laced with playfulness. “I know we used to play house growing up, but this is the real deal.”

Wanda peered around the apartment with a small crinkle in her nose. You could tell that she wasn’t fond of the place, given what she was used to and all. Wanda was all about bright colors and string lights, the complete opposite of Bucky minimalism. Jamie lay in her swing, watching as Wanda closely as she walked around the place, taking in every detail. A common thing she did when she wanted to critique something.

“He seems decent.” She commented, looking over at the small bookshelf. “A little _too_  decent perhaps.”

You rolled your eyes at her.

“But if you like him, I guess he can’t be that bad.” She confessed, looking over at you and Jamie, who stared over at her with a look of pure bewilderment. You noticed the way Wanda’s eyes softened at her and the way her lips curved into a fond smile. A look you had seen all too well with her growing up. You knew she always wanted a family, especially children. She just never found the right man to settle down with, despite the many that were head over heels in love with her. Something told you that Wanda would make an amazing mother someday, if that day ever came.

You looked down at Jamie and noticed the way her eyes went back to you, her face set in a content stare. You had grown very fond of her in the short amount of time you knew her and you felt as though she had put a spell on you. Or anyone who came near her, actually. You had no idea why, but you found yourself realizing that you really would like to see her grow into a young lady someday. You knew she’d look exactly like her father, even twice as beautiful.

“I guess I’ll leave you to it, Nanny Y/N.” She teased, causing your cheeks to burn and your eyes to widen. She let out a loud cackle as she neared the door. Wanda loved pushing all your buttons, and being you, you gave it to her every single time.

But all of that stopped when she finally opened the door, the sound of her laughter seized instantly.

Sam stood in the doorway, his dark brown eyes set on Wanda, completely ignoring the fact that you were lounging around his best friend’s home with his baby like nothing was out of the ordinary. You raced over to them, nearly tripping over the coffee table in the process. You weren’t aware if he knew you were babysitting and having Wanda, a  _stranger,_ in Bucky’s home wasn’t exactly the best look for you, especially on the first day of watching his child alone.

“We’re not intrudering, I swear! I’m babysi-”

“I know Y/N.” Sam let out a laugh, one that faded as soon as his eyes set back on Wanda, who stared back shamelessly. “I was just on a run and thought I’d stop by.”

Your eyes went back and forth between the two of them, noticing the way Wanda’s eyes dilated, along with the way Sam’s softened immensely.You knew Sam was a lighthearted guy and all, especially from what you’ve encountered. But you couldn’t help but feel like you were interrupting on something oddly intimate and it made you shift your weight onto your opposite foot uncomfortably   
You placed a hand onto Wanda’s shoulder, pulling her out of whatever trance like state she was in and breaking the moment between the two of them. .

“I’ll see you later, Y/N. Remember, its spaghetti night!” She blushed, pulling a stray piece of hair behind her ear before slipping past Sam and into the hallway. You stared after her, your brows drawn together in confusion, but if you weren’t confused at that moment, you were as soon as you noticed the way Sam’s eyes followed in Wanda’s direction. And they didn’t move either.

“I uh…tell Bucky I came by, alright?” He babbled mindlessly before turning on his heel and jogging down the hallway, leaving you staring after him, completely dumbfounded and your mind going completely blank. 

\-------------

 

Hours went by and you entertained yourself by caring for Jamie—who you found had already developed ticklish spots—and the occasional texts to Wanda, followed by a string of movies.  

Bucky made sure to leave you a long list of things, most of them consisting of emergency contacts and where her baby items were located throughout the house. You knew she was an odd child when you found out that she drank twice as much formula than the average. At first you were certain that Bucky was misinformed, that he must be playing games with you. And after researching online, you were certain that she was only supposed to be having a limited amount, but as soon as you witnessed the kid gulp down an entire bottle in seconds, you knew he was right. You figured right then and there that since her father was an enhanced person, maybe she was, too.

However, as much entertainment as you had or no matter how preoccupied you were, you still found yourself staring over at the small clock in the kitchen and counting the hours until Bucky would be home. You weren’t nervous, maybe a little, but it wasn’t your anxiety that was going through the roof. You refused to admit it, but you just wanted to see him again. You were crushing on the mysterious man and now, you were starting to think that maybe he felt something, too.

Around seven in the evening, the sound of the front door being unlocked caused you to perk up and nearly jump to your feet. You scooped Jamie from her swing and bounced her softly as you watched Bucky slowly appear from behind the door.

But to your surprise, he wasn’t by himself.

“Hey, doll!” Bucky grinned over at you as he placed the large duffel bag onto the ground. “How are my girls doing?”

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t find it in you to smile. Your eyes went past him and landed onto the beautiful redhead that stood in the doorway, her dark green eyes peering at you curiously. You had no idea who she was, but something deep inside you felt as though something was off. Bucky made his way over to you and gently lifted Jamie from your arms. He cooed at her, giving her his signature million dollar smile when he saw her open her eyes.

You wrapped your arms around yourself as you stood there awkwardly, averting your eyes towards the ground. Maybe she was a friend? Maybe she was from SHIELD like he was and was escorting him home? If Sam and Steve came over often, maybe she did as well for whoever was in charge?

“Shit, where are my manners?” Bucky chuckled as he peered over at you. “Y/N this is my date, Natasha. Natasha, this is my  _neighbor_ , Y/N.”

Instantly, you felt your entire world stop.

The word ‘date’ rang over and over again in your brain. You felt all sorts of emotions run through your body at one time. You were so optimistic that he had interest in you. He brought you into his home, he shared so many things with you. He let you care after his daughter, for crying out loud, that wasn’t just something people did at the drop of a dime. But what hurt you the most was that you were so hopeful. You hadn’t felt that in so long and the fact that you allowed yourself to feel that and that Bucky was the beacon of that made you feel even more upset inside.

For some reason, you felt his words sting even more. You knew it was silly and all, that you were technically his neighbor and all, but you were his friend as well. Had you not earned that title yet? You certainly felt you did after all he shared with you.

Natasha’s cherry red lips curled into a polite smile as she waved at you and you couldn’t help but notice just how perfect they looked. But as soon as she saw your uncomfortable demeanor, all of that disappeared and instead, her face set into a matching uncomfortable frown.

“And this is my baby girl, Jamie.” he spoke proudly. “She’s a force to be reckoned with, I tell ya.” Bucky made his way over to Natasha, who’s expression immediately lightened at the sight of the baby. She rubbed her fingers along her back, grinning from ear to ear as Bucky spoke to her. 

And that stung even harder than his words did. You weren’t someone that experienced envy often, maybe the only case being Wanda’s ability of extroversion, but even then, that was mild compare to the stinging sensation in your chest you felt now. It wasn’t because you thought the sight in front of you wasn’t adequate, it was the exact opposite.

What hurt you the most was how perfect they all looked. How nicely they fit together. 

When Bucky turned around to face you, you felt as though you could cry right then and there. But somehow, you managed to give him the best false smile you could muster up – even if it took all the willpower you had.

“I’m sorry for keeping you so long, doll.” he apologized. “If it’s not too much, could you maybe keep her just for another two hours? I promise, we’ll be back just in time for bedtime.”

You gave him a nonchalant shrug in return. “Sure.”

And that was you noticed him notice your odd reply and instantly, his eyebrows furrowed. The room filled with an awkward silence that you were finding unbearable at this point. You just wanted to go home and crawl into your bed and cry, maybe you could stay in your room forever at this point, you didn’t mind. You’ve had enough of being stomped on today.

“I’ll go get her ba-”

“I can get it.”

Bucky’s brows rose slightly at you and you found yourself in a state of shock as well. You weren’t one to cut people off in any means, but tonight had been enough for you. You made your way over to his room, gathering her diaper bag before going into the kitchen and gathering her necessities. As you placed her formula and diapers into the bag, you could feel the tension radiating off of you and Bucky’s eyes burning into the back of your head. At this point, you felt your hands tremble slightly as you finished zipping the bag and sliding it onto your shoulder.

By the time you made it back to Bucky, Jamie had fallen asleep once again, something you were beyond thankful for. You held out your hands, a cue for him to place her into them, to which he reluctantly did. Jamie let out a yawn as she curled into your body and gripped your shirt with her little fist. You placed a hand onto her back protectively and avoided both of their gazes as you turned and headed straight for the door.

The walk to your apartment was short, but it felt like the longest ten seconds of your life.

Once you finally made it to your apartment door, you grabbed your key from your back pocket and unlocked the door. But to your dismay, you were met with an unpleasant surprise. One that had you nearly dropping Jamie.

As soon as the door opened, you spotted Wanda on the couch, but she wasn’t alone. She was covered from her neck to her toes in her favorite quilt, her head resting on none other than Sam Wilson himself, who was shoving handful after handful of popcorn into his mouth as they watched whatever was on the TV. And as soon as they caught sight of you, they immediately jumped from their spots.

“I-It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” Wanda exclaimed, her eyes wide with fear.

“Well, we did make out a bi- _ow!_ ”

Sam rubbed his face as he stared over at you, but once they focused on your grim expression and the way your bottom lip trembled, the entire room fell silent. Both of them stood up straight and stared over at you curiously. You knew that you probably looked borderline creepy the way you stood into the doorway, but the second you shut the door behind you, Wanda stepped forward cautiously, her eyes full of concern.

“Y/N.” Wanda spoke as she neared you, placing a hand onto your shoulder. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

And that was all it took for your emotions to come crashing down all at once.

You felt yourself let out a small cry, one that came from deep within you and you buried your head into her shoulder as you sobbed. You felt Wanda’s hand on the back of your head, her breath hitching at the sound of your cries. She pulled you into her as much as she could, being mindful of Jamie’s tiny self between the two of you.

Sam made his way over to the two of you, slipping his hands between your bodies and lifting Jamie from your arms, all while giving you a sympathetic look. He rocked her in his arms slowly, trying to distract her from your cries, but as soon as she caught sound of you, her little face began turning red once again. 

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry…” she whispered as she held you. _“I’m so sorry.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets a taste of his own medicine.

You stared at the TV, watching the characters in a cheesy sitcom dramatically argue. You tucked your large quilt further under your neck, trying your best to push out the past few hours and focus on the show, but you knew better than to believe that would help you in this situation. No matter how much you tried, your mind always went back to one thing—or rather, one person.

You knew it wasn’t a very rational of you to bottle things up inside, given that you knew you’d have to face the music at some point in time, but you just needed some time to breathe. And although it made Wanda disappointed and concerned, that was more than okay with you at the moment. You just didn’t know whether it was the sheer embarrassment of having others see you at your worst or the fact that you got so attached that was worse in this entire situation.

And to make matters worse, Sam was brought into the equation. Although, you were aware of the possibility that he may have known more than you thought he did. Wanda had a tendency to let things slip when she got comfortable enough with someone and as much as you loved the woman, you worried often that she’d might tell someone the wrong things about you. You were aware of how awkward the situation must’ve been for him given that Bucky was his best friend and all, but after he had put two and two together you knew Sam understood the reason for your little incident. He even tried to make you laugh a couple times shortly before you staggered off to your room, but you were at an all time low and not even his impersonation of Eddie Murphy couldn’t make you feel any better.

You were informed that Bucky came to get Jamie a couple hours later just like he said, only he had to face Wanda’s angry wrath when he did. And although you felt guilty for feeling this way, you were relieved when she informed you that he was alone.

It wasn’t until three o'clock in the afternoon when things made an interesting turn for you. You were still glued to the couch when Wanda appeared in front of you, giving you her signature guilty smile that she only wore when needed something she found difficult to ask of you.

“What do you want?” You asked.

“When you say it like that you make it ten times harder to ask you.” She sighed, crossing her arms. You rolled your eyes and continued staring up at her expectantly. “I’m expecting a package in the mail today and it’s already three o'clock. I was wondering if you-”

“No.” You clipped, turning your gaze back to the TV. Wanda let out an irritated sigh.

“Y/N, you can’t let him get the best of you.” She reasoned, her green eyes staring at with immense softness. “This is beyond him, it’s about you getting better. You want to get better, _don’t you?_ ”

Those last words struck a chord within you. Did you want to get better? You certainly had to ponder about that question. Your entire life you had been this person and getting better meant doing things that you knew would be tough, but were for your benefit. In a way, the idea of getting better scared you. Who would you be without all of these problems you had? One half of you wanted you to be the best version of yourself you could be and move forward, but another side of you was afraid. Afraid of change, of moving forward because who knew what was in store for you? You had grown so accustomed and comfortable to being this way since the beginning and changed scared you.

You looked back up at Wanda, who gave you an encouraging smile in return.

You let out a small sigh. Wanda—as much as you didn’t want to admit – was right. This was beyond Bucky, this was about you. And for once, you weren’t going to let anyone get in the way of your progress. Surely Dr. Hill would be proud when she’d hear this one. You stood on your feet, letting out a small groan at the sensation of your legs getting circulation after being in one position all day. Wanda made her way over to the closet and grabbed your sneakers, eagerly handing them to you and placing a small kiss onto your cheek.

“One day at a time, kiddo.” You rolled your eyes playfully, even letting a smile slip at the sound of your beloved nickname. You slipped your shoes on and loosely tied the laces before opening the front door and stepping into the hall, closing it behind you.

The trip to the mailbox was a short one, only three flights of stairs to the lobby where the mailbox was. You were aware that you could take the elevator just this once, but that defeated the entire purpose of getting the mail in the first place. With a deep sigh, you started making your way down the hall and toward the stairs. You made sure to pick up the pace when you passed Bucky’s apartment, not wanting to risk seeing him again. Making it down the stairs was easy for you, or it should have been. However that’s where things took a turn for the worst.

You were far too immersed in your own thoughts to notice that your sneaker laces had come undone during the walk down the second set of stairs and before you knew it, the second you got to the final staircase, you feet became tangled and that sent you tumbling down the remaining stairs. You landed with a hard thud and the second your body collided with the ground.

Great.

“ _Holy fuck!_ Are you alright, Miss?”

You blinked back tears as you lifted yourself from the ground. Your head buzzed as you tried to put together what had just happened, so much that you didn’t notice the mysterious man crouching beside you. As soon as your eyes connected with the mystery man’s pale green ones, you felt an odd sense of Deja Vu. Almost as if you had met him before or at least looked into those eyes before. He gave you a sheepish smile when you noticed the many bags surrounding him. From what you could tell, he was new here.

“Have we met before?” You asked, blinking at him with squinted eyes.

“Sadly, I don’t think we have.” He chuckled softly before looking up at the staircase. “But this is a pretty interesting way to meet, right?”

It was right then did you noticed his thick accent. It surely wasn’t from New York by a long shot or even American. It sounded European, but the way your head spun each time you tried to think, you couldn’t pin point it’s origin.

“You took quite a tumble there.” He informed you before motioning toward the door with his head. “Saw everything happen from the entrance.” You blinked at him again, furrowing your brows in confusion. He pulled a stray piece of his platinum colored hair behind his ear before giving you a polite smile, one that you knew you had seen before, just on a different face. But the second he peered down at your ankle, his eyes widened and you followed his gaze.

“Damn,” He gently placed his hand underneath your ankle, turning it slightly. “This looks like a sprain.”

You hissed at the sudden seering pain that erupted from your ankle. Everything was going just fine until the stairs decided to take it’s personal beef out with you and now you were unable to move, your cellphone was still upstairs and it would take forever for Wanda to come looking for you. Everything was just peachy, wasn’t it?   
  
“Do you live here?” You asked, wincing as he set your ankle back down.

“My sister does.” He replied, breaking eye contact with you to momentarily pull out his phone and swipe rapidly with his thumb until he held it up, showing you a picture that had you bursting into laughter the second your eyes set on it. Much to his confusion.

It was a picture of him as a child, his face stuffed with cake at what looked to be his birthday party. But that wasn’t what had you doubled over in laughter, it was who was beside him. Beside him was a small and equally cake faced Wanda Maximoff herself. You remembered that party because you were there. It had been years since you’ve seen him and he was no longer the lanky little nerdy boy he used to be. You were just awestruck at how Pietro had turned into such a striking man the way he did. He was hardly recognizable. . 

“Hey, I don’t look  _that_  bad.” He deadpanned.

“N-No….it’s just….” You snickered into the back of your hand as you watched his perplexed face. “Pietro, it’s me. Y/N Y/L/N.”

In an instant, Pietro’s eyes lit up just like they used to when he was a child and he broke out into matching laughter. You both sat there laughing maniacally on the floor of the mail room, causing several people that passed by to give you both concerned looks before stepping into the elevators.

“How the hell did I not recognize you?” He asked once the laughter subsided. “You look exactly the same, just twice as beautiful as the last time I saw you.”

You were taken back by his words, feeling your cheeks heating at the sudden compliment. You brushed it off, giving him a simple shrug. “You’re taller than I remembered. You used to be so tiny and you used to do the best Shrek impersonation-”

“Oh god, please don’t remind me of that.” He groaned, covering his face and shaking his head. 

You both let out another string of laughter, laughter that you hadn’t had in so long and it felt utterly amazing getting to experience it again despite recent events. The second the thought of Bucky came crashing back into your mind, you felt your entire mood darken once again. Peering back up ath the stairs, you internally groaned at the thought of treking up them injured.

“I have no idea how I’m getting up those stairs.” You muttered under your breath.

Pietro perked up at your words and looked up at the steps. “I have an idea. It might be a little crazy, but I take it you like crazy.” 

You peered over at him skeptically, wondering why he was grinning at you the way he was all of a sudden. You were reluctant, however if it got you out of climbing all three flights of stairs, you were more than willing to try whatever crazy idea Pietro had in mind.

\---------------

The second the elevator doors opened, reavealing the familiar hallway you had grown accustomed to for so long, you were relieved. Only, this time your feet weren’t touching the ground. Instead, you were pressed against Pietro’s back, your arms wrapped securely around his neck and his arms hooked around your thighs in perfect piggyback style. Pietro stepped out of the elevator, carrying you down the hall with ease and the entire time, you both were trying your best not to bust out into laughter. It was as if you two were kids again. 

However, halfway down the hallway, you heard the familiar sound of a baby’s cry, followed by the sound of two deep voices and your laughter seized instantly. You felt all the air in your lungs leave you as you watched the last person you wanted to see step out into the hallway.

“-and I told Steve to just turn it off and on again but… _Hey, Y/N!”_ Sam lit up as soon as he caught sight of you and waved, bouncing Jamie in his arms. He tried pointing in your direction in an ill attempt to get her to see you. Unfortunately, that only made her cry louder and the sound caused your heart to ache. Sam was happy to see you, yet the second Bucky stepped into the hallway and caught a glimpse of you – specifically the position you were in and the person you were with, his smile faded.

“Do you know these guys?” Pietro asked, bending his knees until your were safetly planted on the ground and you were able to lean agaisnt the wall for support. Although you meant to reply, you couldn’t help but stare as Bucky and Sam made their way over to you and the way Bucky’s demeanor changed threw you all the way off.

“What in the world were you two doing?” Sam questioned you both, playfully squinting his eyes. However, you had a feeling Bucky didn’t find a single comical thing about the situation by the way his brows furrowed at the sight of Pietro beside you. You gave Sam a false smile and shrugged, not wanting to go into detail about what had happened.

“I was helping this clumsy little thing back to her apartment.” Pietro let out a snicker, gently bumping you with his shoulder. “You guys should’ve seen the fall she took while getting the mail, it was a sight to see.” 

Sam clicked his tongue at you and shook his head, much to Pietro’s amusement. He opened his mouth to playfully chastize you, but before he was able to, Bucky inserted himself right into the conversation. “Do you know this man, Y/N?” 

And just like that, the entire mood shifted between you all and you found yourself under the spotlight. You felt yourself warm in the face as you noticed Pietro’s hands tighten around his bags. Bucky’s gaze flickered over to Pietro expectantly, only for the latter to fidget uncomfortably.

“C'mon man,” Sam nudged Bucky’s arm with his elbow, only it seemed to cause Bucky’s intense stare to grow even more intense. “Let the girl have some fun. She’s your  _neighbor_ , not your baby mama.”

You knew exactly what Sam was playing at, and although you appreciated the effort, you felt as though he was walking on thin ice. Given the way Bucky’s jaw clenched at his words let you both know that he wasn’t in a joking mood, but it was the undeniable truth. Bucky wasn’t yours and you weren’t his. Although you wanted to be. However, you knew that was just a silly fantasy. But the last thing you needed was any kind of friction between the two of you, especially between Pietro and Bucky. The former was just an innocent bystander in this sticky situation.

“I’m… just gonna go get settled in now.” Pietro whispered to you, keeping his wary gaze on Bucky the whole time. You peered over your shoulder at him and gave him a sympathetic smile, followed by a quick nod. Still, you felt all kinds of pity that the beginning of his visit resulted in something like this.

“And I’m gonna go feed Baby Barnes here.” Sam announced as he smirked over at you, something that completely went unnoticed by Bucky, who was currently occupied with staring at your ankle. “I’ll catch you later, Y/N.”

You watched as both Pietro and Sam went their separate ways and leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. The entire time Bucky kept his gaze at your ankle, his brows furrowing once it clicked in his head that one of them was swollen than the other – classic sprain symptoms, as Pietro said before.

“Does it hurt?” He asked softly.

You gave him a small shrug, only to receive a stern look in response. “Just a bit, nothing majo-  _what are you doing?_ ”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Bucky closed the space between you and crouched until he was eye level with your waist. He carefully cupped your ankle within his flesh hand, holding it as if your bones were made of the most fragile glass. With your ankle in his flesh hand, he raised his metal fingers and slowly placed them onto your swollen ankle, running along your skin just enough to get an idea of how tender the area was.

It was right then did you notice that this was the first time he had ever touched you. The circumstances were a bit odd, but it was something. You weren’t a big fan of letting people place their hands on you, it took Wanda months before you gave her permission when you first met. Yet here Bucky was, analyzing your injured ankle like nothing, but what surprised you the most was that you _let_ him. 

You didn’t even notice your hand that was placed onto his shoulder for support and that’s what threw you off guard – was how natural everything felt. There wasn’t any reluctance in either of your movements or any hesitation, it just happened.You didn’t want it to end and by the way Bucky hadn’t noticed the large amount of time that had passed and he was still running his fingers over your ankle, you figured maybe he didn’t either.

“Doesn’t look broken,” He murmmured as he studied your ankle. “Which is a pretty good sign.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat before giving him a nod. “I can take care of myself from here, Bucky.”

Bucky’s movements seized, his fingers stopping in right where they were. You were right, you weren’t a child by any means. You were fully capable of making your way back into your apartment, but that still didn’t ease the burning sensation in his chest at the sight of you leaning against the wall, barely able to stand on your own. He wanted to pick you up and take you back to his place, to put you in his bed and make sure you stayed off your feet until he knew for sure you were doing better, but he couldn’t could he? That was awfully intimate and given that he had now with Natasha. What would that say about him? Bucky was many things, but he wasn’t some two timing punk. He had enough decency. And as much as it pained him, he released your ankle from his grip and stood.

You both stood there in silence, avoiding each other’s gaze as much as possible. You wanted to ask how he was doing, if Jamie was sleeping well or if he had a good time the night before – even if it pained you a ltitle, yet you knew you weren’t able to.

Bucky didn’t know what to say, but what he did know was that he didn’t want you to leave just yet. He tried to think of something – anything to bring up so that he could have just a few more minutes alone with you. Seeing you injured bothered him deeply, although he knew it wasn’t his place, he just wanted to make sure you were okay. He knew Wanda was more than capable, but so was he. 

“I’ll see you later, Bucky.” You finally spoke, giving him a small nod. 

Bucky watched you limp over to your apartment and  _god_ , it made the ache in his chest deepen. He watched as the door shut behind you, once again you had slipped past him and what really struck him was that he  _let_  you. 

He dragged his feet along, making his way toward his apartment. Every time he closed his eyes, he was met with images of you and as much as he knew that’s what he wanted, he couldn’t bring himself to admit it aloud just yet. The second he made it into his place and the door closed behind him, Bucky could feel his mood crash right into the ground. 

“You are such an idiot, you know that?” 

Sam was seated on the couch, giving him a knowing smirk. Jamie was propped up against his side, making her seem as though she were sitting up all on her own. Bucky swore on everything that the look she currently was giving him was a look of pure disappointment. Something he was more than used to by now.

He ran his hands over his face in frustration before making his way over to the fridge. He yanked the door open and began rummaging through it, attempting to find the small bottle of Asgardian alcohol he had kept hidden just for these type of situations.

“Do I have to spell everything out for you or are you going to continue playing stupid?” Sam chided.

Bucky slammed the fridge closed and spun around. His nostrils flared as he glared daggers into Sam’s head. The granite counter beneath his metal fingers let out a crunching sound as they dug into it. Somehow, Sam seemed completely unfazed by his actions and even let out a small scoff before standing with Jamie in his arms and meeting his glare with a knowing smirk.

“You’ve got it bad for her, Barnes.” Sam chuckled as he shook his head. “The last time I saw you this pressed over a chick was with El-”

“ _Don’t._ ” Bucky hissed. “Don’t you dare say her name.”

“When are you gonna realize that not everyone in this world wants to hurt you?” Sam approached him slowly. “I’ve seen the way you started smiling again just like you used to. Shit, even this place looks brighter ever since you met that neighbor of yours. Why can’t you see that?”

Deep down, Bucky knew that Sam was right about his feelings toward you. It was something that he had been avoiding since the day he first laid eyes on you in the hallway. You were the sweetest thing he had ever seen, the way you didn’t tease him or laugh like most people did and the way Jamie just relaxed the second your fingers touched her was the icing on the cake. The second Jamie was placed into his hands she hadn’t stopped crying. Days and nights were spent with Bucky wandering around his apartment with her in his arms, trying everything to calm her down just for a couple of hours. But no matter how tired she was, Jamie continued to scream.

Bucky would never tell another living soul, but the very same day he met you, he had already made plans on looking into adoption. He wasn’t equipped to handle a child and he wasn’t the same man he was seventy years ago. It would eat away at his soul for as long as he lived, but she didn’t deserve this. She deserved a normal family that could give her all the opportunities that he never could. Yet you came out of nowhere and the second you touched Jamie she fell silent and she was at peace for the first time in her life. You came along, doing all the right things and making him feel things he promised himself he wouldn’t feel again.

Bucky had feelings for you, there was no doubt about it. He may have fallen a little too quick, but he had it bad for you. He just didn’t know if you had feelings for him and that scared the shit out of him. He had already faced enough heartbreak from before and that was something he wanted to avoid completely. Every time he found someone, every time he cared, the outcome was the same. So he did what he always did: he ran from his problems. And thats where Natasha came in.

He knew he was a giant asshole for agreeing to the date when his head wasn’t in the right place, but he had high hopes that he’d be able to get you out of his head. As much as he wished last night had gone according to plan, he knew that was a giant lie. He couldn’t help but think that maybe he was just inadequate to begin with. He didn’t think much of it at first when he and Natasha arrived at one of Tony’s little get togethers – a non formal one, thank god – but after a solid fifteen minutes of being being there, he noticed a sudden shift in her mood.

At first he wondered if she was nervous. Instead of being her usual relaxed slef, she spent the first fifteen minutes peering around the room and constantly craning her neck to get a look at each person that stepped out of the elevators. She made an effort to flirt with him and even place a kiss onto his cheek, something he couldn’t help but feel put off by. Natasha had always been genuine in her actions, yet those felt forced. The way she wrapped her arm around his and rested her head onto his shoulder made him feel like she was acting out of character as there was a hidden layer of tension laced with it.

But the second she caught a glimpse of Steve and Sharon walking through the door, he could sense Natasha’s mood darken and that’s when Bucky noticed something was wrong. 

He had known her for years at this point and she was one of his closest friends besides Steve. Yet not once had he seen her sink into herself the way she did when she saw them. Something was wrong - something he knew she wouldn’t speak about if he asked or even demanded. Nat was a highly complex human, one that had secrets upon secrets, things that she wouldn’t just blurt out on an occasion like this, but it didn’t stop Bucky from being concerned. She wasn’t like herself lately and he was surprised she even asked him to go in the first place.

He tried so many ways to get you out of his mind, to get over these feelings he had for you, but no matter how hard he tried you were there to stay. 

“All I’m saying is you should think about it, man.” Sam sighed. “And sort your shit out because I don’t want my god daughter to pick up on your hermit habits. She’s too cute for that.” 

Bucky watched Sam as he placed a kiss upon Jamie’s head, placing her right onto her rocker and made sure she was tucked in, adding all of her favorite stuffed animals and blankets before grabbing his coat and heading out the door, leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts. 

Bucky peered over at Jamie, noticing the way she continued to give him the most unimpressed stare one could give. He gave her a small, apologetic smile before leaning against the counter. “What do you think, kiddo? Is dad being an asshole?”

Jamie peered up at her father innocently, batting her eyelashes at him before letting out a small fart. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Bucky chuckled, shaking his head.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, guys! Had so many technical difficulties. :/

Your eyes fluttered open by the sound of loud knocking, pulling you from your slumber. You peered over your shoulder at the small alarm clock, squinting as you read the blinking red numbers. It was barely two o'clock in the morning, far too late to be up in the first place. Wanda and Pietro had gone out for the night and you were aware that Wanda tended to stay out quite late when partying. Meaning, whoever was at the door most likely wasn’t either one of the two. 

With an irritated sigh, you pulled the covers back and slipped out of the comfort of your bed and began making your way to the front door, manouvering your way through the dark. You stumbled over Pietro’s bags and belongings, hoping that it was Bucky or at the very least, that Wanda had managed to make it back home for an early night. However, the second you opened the front door you were met with a pair of wide, frantic green eyes. Eyes that were accompanied by striking red hair.

Natasha stood in the hallway, cradling Jamie in her arms as the she screamed at the top of her lungs. You winced, covering your ears with your hands at the loud noise. 

“I’m  _so_ sorry to bother you,” She stuttered, her voice trembling as she gently bounced Jamie in her arms. “But she’s been screaming for the past four hours a-and I just don’t know how to calm her down.”

You could see the anxiety in her eyes as she rambled to you and you could hear it in her voice. The way she trembled and stuttered, you felt a pang of guilt hit you. Everyone knew that babies weren’t exactly perfect little beings, but Jamie wasn’t a normal baby. Everything that regular babies did, she did twice as much. She ate twice as much, pooped twice as much and unfortunately, she cried twice as much. Jamie could be such a handful, you knew that more than anyone by now.

You peered down at Jamie as she wailed, her little eyes shut tight as she kicked her feet and flung her tiny arms around frantically. Stepping forward, you held out your hands, allowing Natasha to carefully place Jamie into your arms. You held her to your chest, rubbing her back in little circles with the tips of your fingers just the way you knew she liked.

Slowly, you could hear her cries quieting down, until she was only wriggling and sniffling against you, burying her face into your chest in the process. A telltale sign that Jamie was, in fact, a spoiled little girl and that she had met her match once again. 

You let out a small sigh of relief at the sound of nothing but sweet, sweet silence filling the air. You had only been in Jamie’s presence for a few seconds, yet you could already feel your head ache. You had no idea how Natasha had survived four hours of this on repeat.

You peered over at her, noticing the look of pure bewilderment on her face. “How’d you do that?” She asked, cocking her head to the side as she stared down at the now sleeping Jamie.

“She just likes to be carried, that’s all.” You replied sleepily, looking back down at her. She always looked so peaceful when she slept. No fidgeting, no whining or crying. Jamie was just Jamie and although it was silly, you had missed seeing her. Even if it was for just a couple days. 

“I take it this is some kind of witchcraft, huh?” Natasha chuckled, giving you a grin. One that you couldn’t help but find yourself finding a hard time looking away from. She certainly was a beautiful woman, there was no doubt about that. You could see why Bucky was so taken with her.

“I can put her in the crib if you want.” You offered, holding Jamie closer to your chest.

Natasha nodded at you eagerly, letting out a relieved sigh. “Thank you so much, Y/N. Really, I’m not sure how much more I could take. She’s just-”

“Complicated,” You finished, giving her an understanding nod. 

“Just like her father.” She added.

You silently made your way down the hall with Natasha by your side, holding Jamie close to your chest in a rather protective manner, you’d say. By the way she relaxed into your body and instantly fell into slumber from exhaustion, you knew all too well that these past three days haven’t been exactly peachy for her, either. Jamie never cried the way she did unless she was uncomfortable. Bucky had told you that himself.

“I’ve never seen her sleep like this.” Natasha shook her head as she opened the apartment door for you both, before shutting it behind you as quietly as possible. “She’s usually awake and hungry or crying when Bucky has her.” You perked up at the sound of his name, peering around the empty apartment and noticing his absence.

“Where is he?” You asked, wondering where on earth Bucky could be at the moment. He usually didn’t leave Jamie behind like this and if he did, you thought he would’ve told you. Jamie was your special thing, in a weird way. It stung to know that he had gone to Natasha instead.

“He’s on a mission, _again_.” Natasha replied dryly as she sat on the couch. You could see her demeanor change as soon as she mentioned him. “Something with getting intel from a source in Germany. Fury says it’s confidential.”

You nodded silently, awkwardly looking around the room. You opted for settling down onto the couch beside her, careful as could be not to wake Jamie in the process. You ran your fingers through her soft hair, feeling your heart flutter when you noticed the corners of her little mouth turn upward into a lazy, yet satisfied smile. Jamie had a way of making you miss her the way she did and you had no problem accepting that you missed her, too.   

“You’re really good at this, you know that?”

You perked up at the sound of Natasha’s voice, peering over at the redheaded woman. She watched you both silently, her lips curled into a knowing little smile as she rested her head in her palm.

“I’ve never been around a baby before.” You dismissed with a small smile. “I have no idea what I’m doing, actually.”

“You were able to save me from the baby blues, Miss Y/N.” She reminded you. “Where I’m from that’s called a super power.” 

You felt your entire face heat at her words before looking down, too sheepish to meet her eyes head on. You weren’t exactly used to praise. You receivied it from Wanda and sometimes Dr. Hill, but those were different. Mandatory, really. It wasn’t that you hated it, you loved when Bucky gave you little praises here and there. It was the simple fact that you felt as though you didn’t deserve it. That’s what had you curling into yourself like a sad little snail and you yearned to change the subject.

“Thank you,” You replied, biting the inside of your cheek.

“You know, we’re more alike than you think, Y/N.” She admitted. That had you looking over at her in confusion and your eyes nearly rising to your hairline.

“How?” You asked.

She let out a breathy laugh, her read hair swaying almost effortlessly as she shook her head. “Because we’re both chasers, not receivers.” 

“I-I’m sorry?” You blinked at her, completely dumbfounded. You were a chaser, not a reciever. The words made the least amount of sense to you and you had no idea what that meant. But you assumed it must’ve been correct, given how Natasha seemed to be pleased with her words. 

“You like Bucky, don’t you?” She hinted, raising a brow.

You felt your mouth opened and close, heavily mimicking a fish out of water. You held onto Jamie tighter, trying to find the right words in your brain. Should you deny it? Or was it even worth it? You had no idea how she even thought such a thing, given that she had only met you once and just for a few seconds. But then again, she was the famous Black Widow. She probably knew all sorts of things about everyone.

“I’ve got eyes, kid.” She snorted, shaking her head at you in amusement. “The only person anymore oblivious than you is the man himself. I saw the way you looked at him a couple days ago. The way you must’ve felt. I know that feeling all too well, believe it or not.”

She admitted, her eyes falling to the ground. Her smile leaving her lips. Your mind raced a million miles a minute as you tried to comprehend where this conversation was going. The woman sitting in front of you wasn’t just any random person, she wasan Avenger, the Black WIdow. Every person in this world desired her, every person wanted to be her. You didn’t understand how she understood what you felt. 

“I’ve always known that I was attracted to women.” She explained, fiddling with her hands as she spoke. “I think I’ve known my entire life, honestly. It wasn’t really accepted when I was growing up, so I kept it hidden. I just ignored it.” 

You blinked at her, this time you found yourself confused. You had no idea where she was going with this, but you were still intruiged. So you held Jamie closer and you listened. 

“But then a few years back when I first came to SHIELD, I got my first partner. She was amazing. We were an amazing team. We were kicking ass and taking names, making a name for ourselves.” You could hear the strain in her voice as she spoke. “We were close. So close that sometimes it felt as though it went beyond just being a partnership. And one day, it did.

“She and I became more than friends, more than partners and that’s how things stayed. Until three years ago. Until she met someone else, someone that sent her flying back into the closet again and left me heartbroken on the sidelines.” She looked up into your eyes, giving you a sad smile. “Sharon always cared about what others thought about her. She likes the poster boys. Wants the perfect family. Something I couldn’t give her.”

Everything clicked into place for you now like clockwork. Dots started connecting, puzzle pieces started fitting together. You finally understood what she meant now and you couldn’t help but agree in some sad little way that you and Natasha were really alike. 

“Sharon’s…” You drifted off.

“Dating Steve, Bucky’s best friend.” She finished for you and you felt yourself growing quiet once again as you processed it. “And I’m playing the rebound game, trying to get her jealous.”

You knew who Steve was, knew what he was and you could understand why Sharon chose him. This entire situation really was a sticky one. A gigantic mess of adults who couldn’t voice their feelings or realize them. You and Natasha were chasers, not receivers. You understood that now. 

“Does Steve know?” You asked, your curiosity growing. 

“ _God_  no.” She sniffled before pulling back a stray piece of hair from her face. “Barton’s the only one who knows right now. Besides you of course.” 

It was right then did you really believe that maybe the world truly was such an unfair place. Shitty things tended to happened to people like you and Natasha. You both were emotionally seculded people that just longed to be loved by someone that just didn’t seem to want to love you both back. It wasn’t your doings, but theirs that hurt you the most in the longrun. It just wasn’t fair.

“I think Sharon is an idiot for not seeing how good of a partner you’d be.” You looked over Natasha, giving her a smile. One that you truly meant from deep within your heart. “She’s really missing out.”

Like clockwork, you could spot the corners of her lips turning upward slowly and you felt your own smile grow at the sight. Natasha truly was a good person, even if Sharon didn’t see it. You could tell she could be an even better partner if only she would just let her. If you could wish for one thing in the world, It would be for Natasha Romanoff to find peace within herself and for Sharon Carter to realize what she has before its gone. 

“Bucky’s the same way, you know.” You perked up at the sound of that one special name. The name that always seemed to have you under it’s spell.

“He’s completely smitten with you, he just doesn’t wanna admit it yet. Thinks you deserve better than The Winter Soldier.” She shook her head as she stared off into the distance. “He’s the true idiot here. He could never see what was right in front of him until it hit him face first. Even in battle.”

The thought of your feelings being a two way street brought out all sorts of hope in you, no matter how desperate you may have looked. You may have been a kicked puppy, blindly following him around  in hopes of him finally giving you his attention, but then again, that tended to be how things were in life. The thought of him reciporicating these feelings had you fighting the smile that threatened its way onto your lips.

“I think my work here is done,” Natasha gave you a heartfelt chuckle when she noticed the lovesick look in your eyes. “The only person I need to be watching after in my life is Clint and he’s already a handful himself.”

You nodded at her words, looking down at Jamie in your arms, and the way she slept comfortably. Tonight was a giant left turn, if you could call it that. As much as knew she should stay here in her crib, you couldn’t find it in yourself to put her down. Not in the slightest.

“Can I…um…” You spoke, motioning down to Jamie with your head.

Natasha gave you an understanding nod, reaching over the side of the couch and grabbing the little pink diaper bag you had grown accustomed to having with you. You stood from your spot on the couch, allowing her to place it onto your shoulder securely. 

You kept your eyes to the ground as you made your way over to the front door, walking slow and steady to keep from disturbing the little baby in your arms. You placed your hand on the doorknob, turning it slightly. However, before you could open the door, you heard Natasha call out your name from behind you. You turned around, staring over at her expectantly. 

“Thank you,” She spoke, her green eyes staring into yours warmly. “For listening.”  

You gave her a friendly shrug, the corners of your lips turning upward into a reassuring smile. “It’s what friend’s are for.” 

* * *

 Bucky stared down at the cellphone in his hands, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. He wasn’t a good talker, not by any means. He was an emotionally constipated man, as Sam once told him. He let out a frustrated sigh before throwing his head back and resting it against the metal wall of the quinjet. He stared long and hard up at the roof as he thought to himself.

The first step was acceptance, Bucky knew that. He accepted that Sam was right as usual and that as afraid as he was, you weren’t like  _her._  You were the complete opposite and you were exactly what he wanted in his life. It might sting, might hurt his pride in all sorts of ways, but Bucky was in love with you and it was time to own up to it the right way.

He quickly typed out what he had to say, looking it over more thoroughly before pressing send and placing his phone back into his pocket.

On the other side of the world, thousands of miles away, you were in bed staring up at the ceiling of your apartment. The entire encounter with Natasha replayed over and over again in your mind. You thought about what she told you, how you were a chaser, not a receiver and how much you wished it were the opposite. How much you wished that things would be just like in your little daydreams. How things would go your way for on-

_Ding._

You turned your head to the side, brows furrowed as you dug through the sheets in search of your phone. Once again, you thought of Wanda. You hoped for her sake that she was okay, that Pietro was more capable of handling his liquor than his sister. Grabbing ahold of your phone, you brought it up to your face. You felt your heart fluttering when you recognzied the person’s name in big, white letters.

 **Bucky:  
** Hey, doll. If it’s not too much trouble, can you stop by my place tomorrow morning? We need to talk. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side Note: This is not the ending! There's plenty more chapters to come. <3

“She looks just like her father.” Wanda shook her head, watching as Jamie’s eyes stared back into hers. “They could be clones, I tell you.” 

Wanda cradled Jamie in her arms, bouncing her gently and whispering little coos at her. The entire time the excited little grin never left the baby’s face, her chubby little arms waving around in the air and little giggles spilling from her lips. Pietro was seated beside the two of them, arm extended out above as he snapped picture after picture of them on his phone. They really did look identical, you swore it. 

“Shes so strong, too.” Pietro added as he peered over his sister’s shoulder, eyes widening when he witnessed Jamie grab onto one of Wanda’s fingers and yank it toward herself. They had no idea how amazing she was, all the things she was capable of. All the things you had witnessed in your time with her. She wasn’t an ordinary baby, not at all. You just wished that you could tell them the things you knew about her. 

You wanted to smile and laugh with them both, really you did. But you couldn’t help the anxiety that was currently festering in your chest, making your heart rate skyrocket every time you thought of a special someone. You hadn’t eaten since last night, you hadn’t spoken much either. You were worried that maybe somehow you had done something wrong, that maybe you managed to push Bucky away. That was what usually happened in these scenarios, right? The whole we-need-to-talk thing was usually a bad omen waiting to happen.

You stared down at your phone, at the texts you last received from Bucky from the night before. Re-reading the same text over and over, your mind raced a million miles per second. You were sure you had done something wrong, if not, he would’ve just come by and got you like he usually did. But this time, the text seemed to have no hint of emotion behind it and that bothered you to bits. Something was wrong, you were sure of it. 

Your eyes went back to Wanda and Pietro, the latter giving you a perplexed look before turning back to Jamie. However, the second you felt your phonevibrating rapidly in your hand, you practically held it into your face. Your eyes widened at the sight of Bucky’s name on your screen, followed by the text he had just sent you.

 **Bucky:  
** Hey, kid. I’m home. Door’s open.

And while you hoped that your anxiety would’ve rid of itself by now, the texts only made the complete opposite happen. Instead of a sense of relief, your mind was clouded by immense guilt. Guilt that had you completely confused. You knew rationally that you were being silly. You were over thinking as usual, but that didn’t help the rocket fast heart rate in your chest. The entire situation caused you nothing but stress. 

“Something wrong, Y/N?” Pietro’s voice pulled you away from your thoughts and you pulled your eyes away from your phone. You glanced over at him, noticing the way his head was slightly cocked to the side and his eyes narrowed a bit. As if he were trying to read your mind.

You shook your head, giving him a false smile. “Jamie has to go home now.” You informed the two of them, standing from the couch awkwardly. Their shoulders slumped in unison, both of them giving you disappointed frowns. That was what you came to call the Jamie Effect. The girl had a way of making you fall in love with her on the first glance.

“Are you sure we can’t just keep her?” Wanda whispered, wiggling her fingers onto Jamie’s stomach and making the little one erupt into giggles. 

You shook your head. “Unless you want the Winter Soldier down your door, I think its best to get her back to her father.” Your words caused Pietro to tense and he stared over at you, brows furrowed in confusion. 

Although you were currently having an internal dilemma at the moment, you still managed to smile at him as best you could. You began gathering her things throughout the apartment and packing them back into her diaper bag. Your fingers trembled slightly as you packed away her favorite blanket, diapers and formula. You spent an extra few seconds with your hands hidden in the diaper bag so they wouldn’t see. You zipped the bag up, sealing it shut and draped it over your shoulder with ease before turning back to the twins expectantly.

“Y/N,” Wanda spoke, her face falling into a concerned frown. “Are you alright?”

Ignoring her, you silently made your way over to her. You scooped Jamie into your arms, noticing the way her face relaxed as soon as she felt you place her against your chest. But this time, when her eyes met yours, you could see her searching them and her mouth pressing together in a thin line. 

You could feel both of their eyes on you as you made your way to the door. You could imagine all of the thoughts running through their minds, how inane you must have looked rushing out in such a way, but you couldn’t find that any of your concern at the moment. Not with all of the anxiety flowing through you as you shut the front door behind you.

As you made your way down the hallway, a hundred different scenarios ran through your mind. Perhaps Bucky wasn’t upset with you and wanted to talk, per usual. Perhaps Bucky would only let you at the front door before telling you that he needed space, shutting it in your face and never speaking to you again. Maybe he’d let you off easier, giving you a speech about finding another sitter. Nevertheless, every outcome bothered you. With every step you took, your anxiety flared in your chest.

You stood in front of his apartment door, staring face to face with the little black numbers in silence. Jamie had managed to fall asleep once again during the short walk and you were beyond grateful for that. You didn’t want to see her stressful on your last time seeing her. Your hands trembled lightly as you reached for the doorknob and turned it slowly, opening the door wide.

You glanced around the room slowly, your eyes searching around the room for one person only, but finding an empty space instead. Stepping into the apartment, you closed the door behind you as quiet as possible and stood in the middle of the room silently. Jamie let out a distressed grunt in her sleep, her little face twisting into a grimace as she tried to get comfortable. You shushed her softly, rocking her back and forth.

“Hey, kiddo.” Bucky’s voice echoed throughout the apartment, causing you to jump. You squinted in the darkness, trying to make out where he was exactly.

“Why is it so dark in here?” You questioned, stepping forward cautiously as you attempted to see as much as possible in the barely lit room. You enjoyed Bucky’s cozy apartment as the next person, but you’d like to see where you were.

You heard the sound of footsteps against wood floors, followed by a light switch flicking on. And a small grunt, one that didn’t come from either you or Jamie. The kitchen lit up in an instant, but as soon as your eyes fell on Bucky and the state he was in, your mouth fell open. His entire arms and torso was scattered with scratches and cuts, with the occasional bandage here and there. The tank top he wore gave you all you needed to know, Bucky was injured and your heart ached in your chest seeing him that way. The only other piece of clothing he wore was a pair of faded gray sweatpants, ones that you had a hard time looking away from.

You were aware of what he did for a living and that his missions were tough at times, but you never knew that they could be this tough on him. You tried not to think about all the times he spent bruised and battered, tending after Jamie. Limping around the apartment while she cried day and night.

“I’m fine, Y/N.” Bucky assured you, noticing the concerned stare you gave him. He gave you a sympathetic smile as he leaned against the counter, applying all his weight onto his metal arm for support. You could see the hint of uncomfortablility in his face, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

The air between the two of you grew tense, awkward as you both stood there in silence. You thought about opening your mouth and asking him what he brought you there for, why he wouldn’t let you keep Jamie like usual. You thought of getting it over with, setting her down in her crib and leaving without a single word. But when Bucky spoke your name softly, all those ideas went out the window.

“I think there’s something you need to know.” He avoided your eyes the entire time he spoke. His voice filled with hesitation and uncertainty. Both things that had your curiosity aroused. You expected to be kicked out by now, but things had taken an unexpected turn.

“Is it about Jamie?” You asked curiously. Bucky hesitated even longer before nodding this time, something you found nerve wrecking.

“It’s about…” He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. “It’s about Ellie.”

“Who is Ellie?” You spoke slowly, your voice full of caution

Bucky stared down at the counter in front of him, avoiding your gaze. It had been months since he even thought about her, much less spoke the woman’s name. And truth be told, he preferred to keep it that way. He hated thinking about her, about the way she left him in shambles the way she did. How she hurt him in his most vulnerable moment. And he hated how much he still hoped she’d suffer for what she did to him and Jamie. But it was you. He could never lie to you, especially with something like this.

“Ellie is Jamie’s mother.” He confessed. Your eyes went back to Jamie as she slept and you grew quiet as realization hit you. She had a mother after all and she had a name. But there was still one question that you had that needed to be answered. One question that kept you awake at night. One that you’ve had since the moment you met Bucky.

_Where was Ellie?_

“You said she wasn’t in the picture.” You reminded him. “Is she…deceased?” You still remembered your very first conversation, still remembered the way his eyes clouded over at the reminder of her absence. You mentally kicked yourself for being so desperate, but you needed to know. You were tired of being left in the dark.

Bucky ran his metal hand over his face, letting out a shaky breath before looking over at his sleeping daughter in your arms. You could see the internal conflict in his eyes. You wanted nothing more than for him to just let you in for once. You figured that would make things less painful for him, if you knew what he was going through.

“I met Ellie at Steve’s birthday last year.” He began, his voice so low that it was almost inaudible. “It was at this stupid night club where all the people go to make stupid decisions just like I did. I didn’t even wanna be there in the first place, you know. I just planned to say Happy Birthday and get outta there, but Sam convinced me to stay. So I did.”

The way every muscle in his body tensed every single time her name came from his lips, you could tell that it hurt him. That this story wasn’t one that’s been told very often and that it most likely didn’t have a happy ending for him. But he still continued.

“I hadn’t been with anyone in a really long time, most dames are scared of me.” Bucky muttered, his face growing a hint of red as he spoke, staring down at the counter hard. “They’d take one look at me and scram. The only time I ever got anywhere close to a relationship is in the backseat of cars every few months with a dame that was brave enough or into some really weird stuff. But I took what I got, what I knew I was capable of getting.”

You saw the way the nostalgic smile on his lips held hidden sadness behind it. You had seen smiles like that before, you’ve even worn them yourself more than you’d like to admit. You knew about painful memories, even some that you cherished even though you knew you shouldn’t. It wasn’t healthy by any means, but you still did it and so did Bucky.

“But Ellie was different. She wasn’t scared of anything. She didn’t flinch when I held out my hand, she didn’t grip her purse tight and scoot away when I approached her. She didn’t see what everyone else saw in me. She was different, or so I thought she was.” Bucky’s gaze moved to his metal hand, watching as he flexed his fingers. “When she touched me, it was like she meant it. Like she felt what I felt. I woke the next morning, I thought that maybe that she’d want to exchange numbers or something, maybe give whatever it was we had a chance. But she was gone. Like all the others.

“Eleven months go by and she shows up at my front door. She’s got a baby in her arms and covered in track marks. She told me that she was sorry, that…” He peered over at you, into your eyes again and this time you could see the tears in his eyes. “That she couldn’t have a baby with someone like me. A  _freak._ ”  

For the first time in your life, you felt all of your emotions hit you in the hardest way and you felt it hard to contain yourself.

You felt upset to your core, to the deepest part of your heart. Upset that Bucky’s life seemed to punish him over and over again. That no matter what he did, things never let him have the one thing he’s always wanted. That he had suffered for so long and that Jamie did, too. That he was broken and was still in pain after all these months.

And you were angry. You were angry that he had to experience heartbreak over someone who wasn’t worth his time of day in the first place. That Ellie had taken advantage of him in his weakest moment. That Ellie had manipulated him in the worst way possible. That she hurt Bucky the way she did. That she abandoned Jamie in the state she was in. That she didn’t care for her own daughter.

But most of all, you were proud in a way. You were proud that despite how much it took a toll on the both of them, that Bucky held on. He put his daughter first and never gave up. That his love for Jamie was greater than anything else in this world and that he was an amazing father.

It all made sense now. Why Jamie was so small, but so powerful. Why Bucky was the way he was toward you. Why Sam and Steve were so cautious when you first appeared. They weren’t jealous, they were protective and for a good reason.

“I know this might not mean much to you,” You broke the silence, your eyes falling to your feet. “But I’m nothing like Ellie.”

“I know, doll.” He smiled softly at you. His words, although they sent a wave of relief through you, also had you feeling a sense of surprise. You wanted him to know that you were nothing like Ellie, nowhere near the same ballpark. But he knew it, he knew it all too well and that both surprised and relieved you.

It was at that moment, did Natasha’s words come flooding back to you from the night before. How she told you that Bucky was in denial, how he felt he wasn’t good enough for you. How no matter what, he’d never admit his feelings. Meeting his gaze, you could see the uncertainty each time he opened his mouth to speak. 

Bucky, as much as you wished he would, wouldn’t be the one to admit his feelings to you. And just as you predicted, his mouth closed without another word. You could see him sink back into himself, hiding away from you once more. Shutting you out once again. 

You opened and closed your hands rapidly, wiping away the sweat onto your jeans as you tried to think. Bucky wasn’t one to admit his feelings, but neither were you. Your shyness always got the best of you in life, always preventing opportunities like this one here. So you figured that maybe, just maybe this time you’d finally take charge for once. That you’d speak your mind, tell him everything. If Bucky wasn’t brave enough, you could be. You opened your mouth, lips parting as you began to speak.

“I think that’s why I’m so fucking in love with you, Y/N.”

Your head nearly snapped from your shoulders with how fast you looked over at him, eyes wide with distraught and mouth completely ajar while he sat there, a sheepish grin on his lips.

Your eyes followed him closely as he stepped closer to you, far closer than you previously let people. And for the first time in your life, you didn’t back away. You didn’t flinch or cast your gaze away awkwardly. You didn’t curl into yourself on instinct. Bucky was so close, but it felt so natural. It felt so right.

“I’m terrible at this and I’m rusty, too.” He admitted to you and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from grinning as hard as you wanted to. “I’m scared and emotionally constipated, but Jamie and I both are madly in love with you. And I need you, Y/N.”

“I-I don’t know what to say…” You vacillated; you were at a loss for words at the moment. Bucky needed you. Someone needed you just as much as you needed them. A feeling you had been convinced for so long that you’d never reciprocate.

“Say you’ll stay.” Bucky pleaded. “Stay with us.”

For the first time in your life, things were playing out just like in your daydreams. Just like in your dreams when you curled into yourself at night and hugged your pillow in lonesome. Things were playing out just like you had always wished they would – and you’d be an absolute idiot to say no to that.

Not a single word left your lips as placed your hand in Bucky’s, lacing your fingers together. You gave him a gentle tug as you stepped away from him. You began pulling him along with you. Making your way through the dark apartment and maneuvering through the furniture. You guided him down the small hallway, all the way into his bedroom that you had grown accustomed to seeing. You pulled him all the way to the large  bed, stopping once you both stood beside it.

You kicked off your shoes one by one, hearing them tumble against the floor. With ease, you slid into the bed, holding Jamie close to your chest the entire time. Bucky’s hand stayed in yours as he followed suit, sliding in beside you. You made sure to be as careful as possible as you settled Jamie onto the mattress, making sure her the pink little blanket covered her entire body and tucking her in as much as possible. 

Bucky let out a small grunt as he settled into the bed behind you. You felt the warmth of his body against your back and the way it gave you a sense of comfort and security, you could feel your muscles relax in seconds and your eyes grow heavy.

“I take it that was a yes then.” Bucky chuckled against your neck, resting his head against the back of yours. You felt his hand slide over your waist, wrapping his flesh arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him. Your lips curled into a smile, one that you felt all the way in your heart, one that you felt ease all the anxiety in your soul. One that had you feeling at ease for the first time in your life.

“Definitely.”


	8. Chapter 8

No matter how many times he had done it in the past, Bucky was still as nervous as the first time. It had been over seventy years, seven whole decades. He had done this many times with many different dames in the past. Yet as he packed Jamie’s diaper bag, filling it with all the necessities, he still felt as though this was the first time. 

That he was back in Brooklyn in ‘38, about to serenade whichever lady he had his sights on at the moment. You see, it was all about the impression he left on them that mattered the most. After that, he usually had every dame in the palm of his hand. However, now that you were the one that he had his sights on, impressions were worth more than anything. And he wanted to take things slow. He didn’t see you as a temporary lover, you were something he wanted permanently. Everything had to be perfect.

Bucky grinned down at Jamie as she stared up at him with big, bewildered eyes. She was tucked into her baby carrier safely, covered with her favorite blanket. His hands shook lightly as he gripped the handle and lifted it with ease. He repeated his actions with the diaper bag and began heading for the front door. 

He had planned an entire evening for the two of you in advance. He booked a reservation at one of the nicest restaurants in New York, thanks to Tony. He hoped to take you as far as Coney Island, straight to the Wonder Wheel to be exact. It was his favorite place in all of New York and truth be told, you were his favorite person. For once, he just wanted to have both in one place, to experience something special with you. 

He wanted to make memories to replace the bad ones.

* * *

 

You stared at yourself in the mirror hard. You took in every single detail with extreme focus, going over every single detail, every single thing that caught your eye. The outfit you were currently wearing had been chosen by Wanda herself and much to your dismay, it was on the revealing side. Or so you thought. 

You weren’t one for dresses or anything fancy, preferring something comfortable instead of flashiness and she took that into consideration. Somewhat.

The top you were wearing was far too tight for your liking. You found that it had an unnecessary amount of open back, leaving that area vulnerable. The jeans she picked were even tighter than the top, but as you tilted your head to the side and pondered a bit, you noticed how nice they looked from a certain point of view. 

You were reluctant, of course. You weren’t one to show off anything, the complete opposite was your forte. You ususally chose comfort over flashiness, but Wanda swore on everything that you looked amazing and you hoped that she was right. The last thing you wanted was to embarrass yourself on your first date. Your first date  _ever._  

That’s what caused the large amount of self critiquing at the moment. What had you pacing back in forth in your room and had you texting paragraph after paragraph to Natasha. Never in your life had you gone out with anyone, much less caught anyone’s attention in this way. Bucky was your first, in more ways than this. It was understandable to anyone that you’d be antsy. 

But the second you heard the sound of three little knocks coming from your bedroom door, you practically flew it open. You stared at Wanda, who took one look at your panic ridden self and giggled, shaking her head at you.

“Are you sure this looks okay?” You asked, looking down at your shoes. “What if he thinks its too much?”

“Bucky practically has his eyes glued to you twenty four seven, Y/N.” Wanda smirked. “I don’t think you need to worry about the clothes. The man’s completely smitten.”

“I second that!” You heard Sam call from the living room. You momentarily forgot that he practically lived there now. He was always with Wanda every time you saw her. You didn’t blame him one bit, though. Wanda was amazing.

She was amazing because she wasn’t you, you thought. Her problems weren’t your problems. She could leave the building any time she pleased with not a single feeling of anxiety. She was free, just like you wanted to be. Surely she wouldn’t understand the blinding self doubt you had inside. Not ever.  

Your self depricating thoughts were cut short by the sound of knocking echoing throughout the apartment and you froze, eyes flickering to Wanda. She gave you a sly grin and bounced on the balls of her feet. 

“ _He’s here._ ” She sang, spinning on her heel and making her way toward the front door. You took one last look at yourself in the mirror before following after her. 

You could already hear her unlocking the locks and opening the front door by the time you made it to the livingroom. Bucky stood in the doorway, holding Jamie’s little baby carrier in his hand. You could hear her sniffling from within the carrier in discomfort, the telltale signs of another tantrum. 

And you were far too focused on Jamie to notice the way Bucky’s eyes were locked on yours the second you appeared. He didn’t even spare a glance at Wanda as she  monologued about her babysitting skills. Instead, his lips parted and his eyes traveled up and down your body. He had seen only one version of you throughout your time together. For so long, he had only one picture of you in his mind, but seeing you all done up to perfection, along with the fact that you did this only for him, had his lips curving into a smile. 

You shifted your attention to Bucky and when you did, you finally caught a glimpse of him. It was right then did you notice how different he actually looked. His hair, instead of resting onto his shoulders like it usually did, was pulled back into a hairtie. With the exception of a few strays here that fell to his jaw. His stubble had disappeared as well, leaving him clean shaven for the first time. So it wasn’t just you that wanted to make an impression. The feeling was more than mutual.

“-and I know the CPR basics, too. Not that we’ll be needing it tonight, I assure you.” Wanda finished, her hands on her hips and her eyes trained on the baby carrier. 

You could tell she was just a bundle of excitement ever since she had officially met Jamie. She spent her free time talking non-stop about the litle one ever since and she practicaly jumped when you asked to watch her.

Once Bucky finally pried his eyes away from you, he gave her a polite smile and a qucik nod. He held the carrier out for Wanda to grab, carefully placing it into her hand. Although, you could spot the reluctance in his movements. The way he held onto the carrier a bit longer than usual and the way he stared after Wanda with uncertainty.  

“You look great.” You spoke up, attempting to distract him. And just like that, his eyes found yours again and that same look was back. He gave you another one of his smiles, a genuine one that made your heart flutter and stomach flop around in your insides.

“Not as good as you.” He shook his head absentmindedly, admiring you. “You look absolutely amazing.”

“Are you guys done undressing each other with your eyes or what?” Sam shouted from his spot on the couch. Both of your heads snapped in his direction, both of you giving him looks of disapproval. He gazed at you with a sly grin and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“It’s alright, guys.” Wanda assured you both, her eyes traveling between you and Bucky. She gave you both another one of her extremely convincing smiles as she held Jamie against her chest. “We can take it from here.” 

And this time, you listened to them. After gathering your purse, you decided to get one last look behind you. You looked back one last time, peering over at Jamie as Wanda held her against her chest. But at that split second, you spotted something. 

Jamie was very awake. So awake that she was staring over at you. Her little lips were curved upward, eyes narrowed knowingly into what you swore was a smirk. As if she knew something you didn’t. 

But just like that, it was gone and she was carried towards the kitchen.

You shut the door behind you, your eyes wide as you tried to make sense of what had just occured. “You alright, Y/N?” Bucky asked you, tugging on your hand gently. He eyed the closed door suspiciously before looking back at you. You dismissed the question with a shake of your head and a polite smile, although you couldn’t get that look out of your head.

“I’ve got a lot planned for us tonight.” He replied cooly, slipping his hand into yours and giving you a wink. He guided you down the hallway, closer to the elevator. However, the closer you both got, the worse you felt.

He had planned an entire evening for the two of you, but that was all about to be ruined by you. He put in effort, you could tell. And  _god_ , you felt bad about it. 

In the blink of an eye, you were both standing in front of the elevator. You watched as Bucky pressed the small button and the doors opened swiftly. Yet when he stepped forward, you gripped his hand in yours tighter, stopping him from entering the elevator. 

“Y/N?” He questioned, attempting to get your attention. Yet you kept your gaze down at your shoes.

“ _Y/N._ ” He repeated himself, his voice coming out far softer than before. “Look at me.”

You shifted in your spot uncomfortably before looking into his eyes. “Did I do something?” He asked you, all of the usual playfulness in his voice completely seemed to have evaporated and was replaced by immense seriousness. 

You shook your head far too quick for your liking, you hated looking so eager to please. It felt like forever, but you finally found the courage within you to finally open your mouth and force the words out.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” You cautioned, your voice low. “I just..I can’t go outside.”

His brows furrowed in confusion at your words and you could see the small hint of hurt in his expression. You stared down at your shoes and at his as you tried to think of something – anything to say. Should you just lie and say you felt ill? But that would mean you’d be lying and the last thing you wanted to do was lie to him. Bucky didn’t deserve anymore lies. 

You’d be lying if you didn’t expect Bucky to ask a million questions after the words tumbled from your lips or even express frustration toward you. That’s what usually happened when you revealed something like this to people. You were usually bombarded with questions and sometimes.  

Sometimes people would get impatient with you and they’d express it in a very passive agressive manner. You still remembered the many attempts Wanda made to get you out of the apartment and every single time, you knew the outcome was the same.

But to your surprise, instead of an interrogation or passive agressiveness, you recieved the complete opposite from Bucky. He gave you an understanding nod, placing his hands into his pockets. There wasn’t any frustration in his movements that you could tell, yet you were still wary. 

“After I got out of cryo, Steve had such a hard time gettin’ me outta bed.” He intoned, his eyes staring deep into yours as he spoke. A hint of softness within them. “I didn’t leave my room for months at first. Didn’t even get to really see Wakanda until almost a year after I got there.” 

Your eyebrows nearly raised to your hairline at his confession and you were utterly surprised he’d even reveal something like that in such a moment.

“We can stay as long as you’d like.” Bucky said, gesturing toward his apartment with a nod. “I’ve got movies and we can stay up all night. I know you don’t really sleep much.” 

You gave him a shy nod, agreeing to his offer and you could see him physically relax. He held out his hand for you to take and you did, allowing him to guide you the opposite way, back toward his apartment that you had grown to love so much. 

He plucked the small brass key from his back pocket and unlocked the front door. He opened it wide, allowing you to step inside with ease. Once you were inside and heard the door shut behind you, you felt yourself relax at the familiar surroundings.

Bucky made his way into the small kitchen and began digging through the drawers. “So what’ll it be, doll?” He asked as he held up a large stack of paper menus in his hands. They were all different colors, some more worn out than others and you guessed they were often used. “Your choice.” 

“Chinese?” You asked, feeling your stomach ache at the thought of food. 

“Chinese it is.” He gave you a wink and you felt yourself smiling like the lovesick little thing you were. 

* * *

 

At the stroke of midnight, there was nothing but empty food cartons, junk food rappers and soda cans surrounding the small living room, along with numerous pillows on the couch you were seated upon. You watched the episode of True Blood as it played before you, wincing as you watched one of the vampires bite the poor woman. You felt the vibrations of Bucky’s soft chuckle through his chest and you stared up at him with narrowed eyes. 

“You said this was a good show.” You chided.

“It  _is_ ,” He replied with a smug little smile as he peered down at you. “You’re just a chicken.”

“Vampires aren’t my cup of tea. I prefer werewolves.” You informed him, resting your head back onto his shoulder. However, you felt his eyes on the top of your head still and curiously, you gave an experimental glance up at him. And to your surprise, he was staring at you, his mouth curling into a smirk.

“What?” You asked reluctantly.

“What do you like so much about werewolves?” He asked and you felt your face heating with the way he was staring at you.

“I like how they look,” You confessed to him. “It’s creative.”

Bucky’s eyebrows rose at your words and you sat up slowly, turning to face him. You felt as though he were toying with you now and you wanted to know why. You hoped he wasn’t that much of a vampire fan. 

Before you could think, Bucky lunged forward. You let out a shriek as you felt him tackle you onto the cushions, forcing you underneath him and preventing you from moving a single inch. He hovered above you, chuckling down at your shellshocked expression. 

“What if I was a vampire, doll?” He asked. “Would you still like me?”  

You gave him a playfull eyeroll. “I guess I could deal with it.”

“What if I…” He drifted off, getting closer to your face. “Wanted to suck your blood?” 

Before you could even speak, you felt him bury his face into your neck and nibble at your skin. You let out a string of giggles at the sensation, pushing at his chest while he opted for blowing raspberries into your skin instead. You could feel his laughter against your skin and of course, it only made you laugh harder.

It wasn’t until you felt him replace raspberries with kisses, did your laughter die down. You felt his lips press against a certain spot on your skin that had you breathing in sharply and your eyes fluttering closed. Your hands placed themselves against his chest and found the strength to push him back. This time, he paused all of his actions and pulled away, looking down at you with a concerned look.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “Sometimes I get a little desperate and I just-”

You had no idea where the courage came from, maybe it was all the soda you had. You cut his words off by pressing your lips against his, your hands snaking their way around him. You had absolutely no idea what you were doing, but you just hoped that you were doing it the right way.

Although you attempted to deepen the kiss, you felt Bucky pull away from you. You opened your eyes, expecting him to give you a look of disappointment or even disgust. Instead, you were greeted by the sight of him pulling away from you. Immediately, you began self critiquing yourself once again. Was it the kiss? Was it too soon? Did it suck? Did it-

“Are you sure this is what you want, Y/N?” He asked you softly, his eyes searching for any uncertainty.

You hadn’t even asked yourself that question, really. Is that what you wanted? You knew what would happen if you said yes and as much as that intrigued you to no end, you weren’t experienced. He still didn’t know that of you yet.

“I’ve never…” You trailed off, avoiding his eyes.

Bucky gave you an understanding nod, of course he knew. “There’s a first time for everything, doll. If you want it.”

Did you want that? You knew that deep inside you wanted this. You always wanted this, you just needed the right partner and now you finally had one. The perfect partner, one that you figured was an excellent teacher.

After a moment of silence and deep pondering, you gave him a nod and the grin that grew onto his face made you even more sure of your decision. You felt him pull away from you and sat upward, allowing you to do the same. Silently, Bucky stood from the couch and held out his hand to you for you to take.

You let Bucky guide you toward his bedroom, down the short hallway and finally into his room. The second the door closed behind you, his hands were on you. He guiding them down your body, until they were resting on your hips. He stared into your eyes, then down at your lips just like he always did. You were so lost in him that you didn’t notice him guiding you backwards, further and further until you felt the mattress against your legs. 

He placed his hand against your chest, gently pushing you back until you were laying on your back. He had you right where he wanted you and you found that that’s exactly how you wanted things to be. You wanted to be exactly where Bucky wanted you, everyday and every moment.

You felt your entire body heating underneath his gaze as he undid the zipper on his pants, unbuttoning them quickly but  _oh,_  so slowly. He slid his pants down his hips, making sure they slide against his thighs just the right way.  

The next thing to go was his shirt and he made sure he took his sweet time removing it, too. His eyes stared down at you as he lifted it over his head, making sure to go as slow as possible. You were greeted with the sight of his torso, which you found difficult to look away from. You considered Bucky’s body to be pure perfection, even with the battle scars along his torso and back, even his arms. He was beautiful.

To your surprise, his boxers stayed put and you watched as he bent downward, placing his hands onto your jeans. He began unbuttoning the buttons, pulling the zipper down along the way. His calloused fingers ran along the skin below your bellybutton with admiration before he tugged down and began sliding them down your legs. 

Your breath quickened when you saw his hands reaching for your top and although you were eager, you were also self conscious about this. However, the second you felt his hands slide underneath your top and cup your breasts, all thoughts of insecurities flew right out of the window.

He hands kneaded your breasts in the most delicious way. His thumbs ran over your nipples, taking them between his index finger and his thumb, giving them a soft pinch. The hairs on your arms stood at the new sensations running through your body and hitting right between your legs. You arched your back into his touch as he worked you skillfully, closing your eyes and letting a soft gasp escape your lips.

He lifted your top over your head, pulling the material until you were left exposed for his eyes to feast on.

“You’re so damn beautiful, Y/N.” He whispered as he stared down at you. “You’re an angel, you know that?”

If it weren’t for the blinding arousal between your legs, you would’ve thanked him for such a compliment. You would’ve offered him one yourself, but your body, mind and soul only wanted one thing and that was Bucky. So you gave him a sheepish smile and let him continue exploring your body. 

Your eyes followed every single movement he made as he sunk onto his knees in front of you. He placed his hands onto your ankles and began spreading them apart just enough to fit himself between them. Your heart raced as he got closer and closer to your most vulnerable place, the one place nobody but yourself had seen. He placed a small kiss to the area below your naval, repeating his actions while traveling downward until you saw him reach the waistband of your underwear.

And what you saw nearly had your mouth falling open.

He nipped at the waistband of your underwear, taking it between his teeth before dragging it downward. Further and further, down your thighs and past your knees. The entire time your eyes never left his, you were at a complete lost for words as you watched him slide them past your ankles with ease. Once they were off, he tossed them to the side carelessly.

Bucky crawled up your body,his eyes never leaving yours until was resting comfortably between your thighs. You felt the bed shift as he slid the boxers down his thighs and you could hear them fall against the floor. 

You lifted your head awkwardly to see just what he was planning, but the second you felt his tongue flatten against your lips, you knew you were done for. He spread them apart, licking a stripe upward, farther and farther until the tip of his tongue was resting against your clit. The small little puffs of air from his breathing hit against your exposed cunt in the best way, a mixture of warm and cool air that send goosebumps all over your body.

Bucky’s hands slid along your thighs slowly until they were both resting on either side of your hips. His fingers gripped the backs of your thighs hard, lifting them upward until you felt your knees resting against your chest, which rose and fell rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. Your fingers dig into the dark sheets below you, fisting it into your hands and tugging on it hard.

You raised your head a bit, curiously letting your eyes wander down to where he was currently lapping at your clit, watching as he worked it skillfully against your sensitive little nub. He worked it in circular motions at first, swirling his tongue nice and slow, letting you feel every single sensation he gave you. And the sounds that came out of your mouth—the most unholy sounds—only seemed to make him go faster. He traced his tongue along your clit faster, kneading your ass in his hands in time with his tongue.

Its as if you lost all control of your body at that point, your hips bucked against his tongue eagerly as he ate your pussy, his chin gliding against your soaked lips that tasted so fucking sweet to him. Was it your innocence? Or the fact that he wanted you more than he’d ever wanted anyone that made you taste like heaven on his tongue? Either way, he was completely lost in you,

You let out a small cry when you felt the fingers of his metal hand gliding against your skin, all the way down your body. They rested against your entrance, but stayed put. His index finger pressed against your opening, rubbing small circular motions into it. His fingers stayed put, not once entering you, but your mind reeled when you felt his lips wrap around your clit and give an experimental suck.

“Oh, Bucky..” You breathed, your back slowly arching from the bed as he worked your body. He was so gentle, the way he gave you just as much as you needed, never going faster than what you needed. He promised to take care of you and he really fucking was.

Bucky began shaking his head from side to side, your clit still wrapped around his lips and still being worked on by that tongue of his. That tongue that had turned you into the most desperate little thing. You felt your abdomen tightening with each second that past, feeling pressure budding between your legs. It grew with each stroke of his tongue, forcing your thighs to shake violently and your hips to grind against his face in desperation.

Bucky gave you a final stroke of his tongue and you were completely lost in him. Your eyes fluttered closed, fingers pulling on his sheets so hard that you swore you heard them rip. You were soaring through cloud nine, your head spinning and your entire body erupting with pure mind numbing pleasure. 

You watched as Bucky crawled up your body, closer and closer to your face. The smile on your face was lazy, half effort but it held so many emotions, so many feelings toward him at the moment. He bent down, resting his forehead against yours as he pressed a gentle kiss onto your lips. He pulled back momentarily, running his tongue along your lips. You could taste yourself on him, you could taste the way he tasted you and although you had never been between a woman’s thighs, you understood why he was so keen on getting between yours.

“You’re so fuckin’ sweet, Y/N. You tasted just like I thought you would. You know how many times I’ve thought of doin’ this to you?” He rasped between kisses.  “How many times I’ve thought about tasting that little pussy of yours?”

You moaned into his mouth as your imagination ran wild. How many times did he think of this? Just the idea of him writhing in his bed, covered in sweat and pumping himself to images of you had you growing aroused in seconds.

“Bucky…please.” You begged, your eyes closed as you felt yourself being pressed against his body and his length rubbing against where you needed him the most.

“You’ve gotta say it, baby.” He pressed, his eyes staring into yours deeply. “I need to hear you say it for me.”

Never in your life did you imagine that you’d say such a thing. There were times where you did pleasure yourself, however you were far too shy to get vocal about it. You were always quiet, with your hands down your panties in the middle of the night, gasping and trying to keep quiet every time. No matter what, you never made yourself orgasm and you always kept things buried deep down. But now, you had to remind yourself that this was Bucky, you didn’t have to be quiet anymore. You didn’t have to hold back either. 

“Please fuck me.” You whispered. Your face heated at the plea, but once you looked into Bucky’s eyes and saw the way he stared after you in such a lustful way, you decided it wasn’t so bad. 

“I’ll take care of you, Y/N.” He assured you as he placed his hand between your knees and began parting them slowly, keeping his eyes onto yours. "That’s all I wanna do. I’ll make you feel so good.”  

You felt your legs spread wider and wider until Bucky was resting against you. This was it, you thought to yourself many times how this would happen. The many different scenarios of how it would play out for you. No matter how good your imagination was, it could never beat this. You had been waiting for so long and now you were ready. 

Bucky gripped his cock in his hand and stroked it slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. It was right then did your gaze flicker away from his and between your bodies did you get a glimpse of  _it._  You weren’t surprised to that he was well endowed, not even a little bit. 

You had seen cocks before in your life, you weren’t that innocent. But Bucky’s had you feeling an odd mixture of excitement and fear. Excitement because - although you’d never thought you’d say such a thing - his cock was perfect. Thick in all the right places with a tip that had your mouth watering at the sight and your pussy quivering. 

But fear, fear that you felt because although he was gifted where it counted, you knew the downside to that. You weren’t experienced in any kind of sex and in a few short seconds, you’d be filled to the hilt with  _it._

“It might feel uncomfortable at first, but I promise you it’ll feel amazing.” He reassured you. “Just give me some time and I’ll make it feel so good for you.” 

You felt your head moving on its own accord when you nodded at him. You watched him closely as he placed the head of his cock against your entrance, running it along your lips. You coated him with your arousal, feeling him press against you a bit harder. He pressed and pressed, until you felt him enterting you slowly. 

A small gasp fell from your lips and your brows furrowed as he moved. Bucky rested his forehead against you, whispering sweet nothings to you and enouragements as he continued his descent into you. His hips inched closer and closer to yours as he filled you, his free hand rubbing small circles into your thigh to distract you as much as he could. 

“You’re doing so good, sugar.” He praised you, his voice coming out shaky. “ _God_ \- you feel so fuckin’ good.”  

You were uncomfortable, he was right. You held him close as he gave you stroke after stroke of his hips, slow and steady. He traveled deeper and deeper inside of you until you finally felt his pelvis touch yours, bottoming out completely. He stilled his movements and let out a small grunt at the feeling. 

You both stayed that way, with him buried in you. You expertimentally clenched around him and instantaneously, you felt a wave of pleasure flow through your body, causing all the air to leave your lungs and your head to grow cloudy. 

Bucky let out a gasp at your bold movements and gripped your thigh tightly. “If you keep that up, I’m not gonna last long, angel.” He warned you, his breaths coming out in short puffs. 

He pulled out of you completely for a moment before entering you again, quicker this time. And as much as you should’ve listened, you felt yourself clenching around him once again, your mouth falling open as you felt a wave of pleasure hit you over and over again. 

“Oh my god…” You whimpered, your eyes shut tightly as he thrusted into you. His pace quickened at the sound of your meek approvals, soft moans escaping his mouth that sounded like music to your ears. 

“Fuck, you like that baby?” He grunted as he fucked you faster, testing out a different angle and a different way he moved his hips each time he stroked into you. “Feels so good, doesn’t it? Can you feel me?”

“Y-Yes!” You cried in reply. You spread your legs wider from underneath him in attempt to feel him closer and better. By now, all feelings of discomfort seemed to have vanished into thin air, leaving only the most intense—the most mind racing pleasure that you’d ever felt and you couldn’t find it in yourself to care about the things that started coming out of your mouth.

The bed squeaked every single time he bottomed out, metallic sounds scraping against the wall loudly and you were a hundred percent certain that there would not only be marks there the following morning, but also that the poor person on the other side would be getting an ear full. But that’s what made everything oh so exciting, right? That Bucky was leaving his mark.

Bucky’s lips peppered butterfly kisses onto your face as he fucked you, traveling down your body until he began placing them onto your neck. Each kiss was soft and careful, as if your skin was made of the most breakable glass on this earth, opposite of what he was doing to you down below. It drove you crazy how he could be fucking you deep and hard, yet placed the gentlest kisses onto your neck. It felt like two different people.

Once again, the intoxicating feeling of being taken higher and higher into the clouds fell over your body and this time, you knew Bucky felt it, too. The way his entire body trembled, the way his eyes were shut tight and the way he let out exasperated little moans with each kiss he pressed into your skin. His fingers that were placed onto your thigh dug into the flesh hard, surely there would be bruises along your skin, but you didn’t mind one bit. You ached for him to be apart of you in every single way possible.

“Bucky!” You gasped hard, your head falling against the pillows and your mouth falling open. “I-I think I’m cumming.”

Bucky raised his head from your neck and stared into your eyes intensely. His mouth curled into the most loving smile as he began pounding into you. He watched you closely, studying every single reaction with intensity. “That’s my girl. Cum nice and hard for me, sugar. Cum for  _daddy._ ”

You didn’t know whether it was the new pace or the sound of that name coming from his lips that had you screaming out and had the most intense orgasm of your life ripping through your body. Your thighs shook violently and you felt your throat burn from how hard you screamed.

All of that combined was what had Bucky letting out a loud cry of your name, what had him slamming his hips into yours, filling you completely and cumming inside of you. You felt his cum coating your walls, ribbon after ribbon painting your walls and every time you clenched around him you felt it running down your thighs onto the sheets below.  

“I’m so fuckin’ in love with you.” He whispered, his voice low and raspy. You felt him relax against you, his chest pressed against yours. 

You felt your heart flutter at his confession, this time you finally allowed yourself feel everything. You allowed yourself feel the exhaustion rom what you had just done. You allowed yourself to feel dull ache between your legs that you oddly loved. You let yourself feel unrelenting love that you felt for Bucky and the realization that you didn’t have to lay in your room at night on your lonesome, wishing for your knight in shining armor to take you away. 

You stared up at Bucky and you felt your eyes filling with tears. He pressed his forehead against yours and brought his hand away from your thigh to your face. He cupped your cheek gently, running his metal thumb against it. 

 _“I love you more.”_  You whispered. Bucky’s smile grew into a grin at your words and for once, you felt at completely at ease. 


End file.
